In the past, I have desperately wanted to hide my ‘messy’ self. In fact, I still want to hide her. I don’t want to show how much I strive for stability by holding onto control. I am embarrassed when I fumble in social situations. When I have an outburst of anger about something or someone that has triggered me. I am super shy, and I get frustrated when, caught in my shyness, I can’t be as charming as I would like to be at my very public studio.
I know I’m not perfect….and doesn’t everyone want me to be perfect?
Well, guess what? When I am sloppy and clumsy, it is ‘real’, and sometimes being real brings up uncomfortable emotions for others. Witnessing ‘messy’ isn’t always easy, and it can feel like watching a train wreck. No one likes to watch a wreck.
I am learning to be much more forgiving of myself. To remind myself that I am working on being human, and sometimes I fall flat on my face. Sometimes I don’t listen to others very well, and I even talk when my dearest friends are talking, because I get overwhelmed with my own thoughts.
What is a girl to do? Be sloppy, or be quietly perfect, and not show the world the real me? You’ve probably established that I have chosen to follow the messy path. The path that is awake with self discovery and self work sometimes looks dirty.
Who do you want to please? Do you want to please the outside world more then your inner world? Maybe the question is, Why do you want people to think you have it all sorted out? Why do you feel so dysfunctional when you are feeling all the emotions? Who in your life is rejecting the sloppy you?
To be clear, I am not advocating existing in a sloppy unconscious state. What I am asking is, What do you prioritize? Do you put on a mask so you wont be judged, or do you remove your mask, and be real?
Are you able to embrace all the parts that make you ‘You’? Are you able to show yourself around those you supposedly trust or those you collect in your inner circle?
What about not caring what other people think? Would that be possible, in a world that has become dominated in social media and outward appearances? In a world where speaking your truth doesn’t always lead to the ‘right’ outcomes? Where there’s a very real chance you will be judged ?
It takes a solid inner foundation not to care what others think, and to care about what you think. That, my friend, is the big work. It is the measure of success. The ability to be at peace with your truth and tap into your own inner well-being, instead of waiting for others to stabilize you with their approval. It is the measure of success. It seems that anyone can become famous these days. Many people have become incredibly successful in their work. But the ability to find comfort in your mess will outlast any outward success or praise.
So, the question is, are you ready to embrace your messy self?
If you haven’t figured it out, I’ll take you, mess and all.
love
Noelle
P.S If you find these messages beneficial, please help me share my message. Forward to a Friend, Follow my blog, or share on FB.