How do you measure your worthiness? This is an interesting question, and one I have recently explored as I unpack the ways I habitually respond to the world around me.
What are the things that matter to you? Do you choose to surround yourself with people who like you for you, or do you choose your social circle dependant on how much influence it has in the community? There is a chance that if you value the latter, your sense of worthiness is connected to how other people perceive you. This directly affects how you value your sense of worthiness. You may not feel worthy if you aren’t seen with the ‘right’ people.
Another example could be the type of vehicle you value. I live in a mountain town and understand there is value in owning certain types of vehicles to manage terrain and climate. However, do you choose your vehicles based on your desire to maintain or create a certain social image? Or do you drive your vehicle because it is best suited for you?
Do you wear certain clothing to fit into your community, or do you wear what you really want to wear? Do you participate in certain recreational activities because you really like them, or because participating in them makes you feel like you fit in?
The reason I pose these questions is because I have asked them of myself. I ask myself why I value certain things over others. Is it because I want to be seen a certain way to fit in with the collective, or is it because it fits for me? Do I want to be liked or do I want to like myself? I have matured into realizing that liking myself feels better than doing things to be liked by others. But for most of my life I did do things to be liked by others, I did really want to fit in. I wanted my community to see me in a certain way. However, now I care about how I feel, and I fill my cup by being true to myself instead of by seeking fulfillment through the recognition of others.
When I attached my sense of worth to how someone else perceived me, I found that I was running around, constantly trying to keep up with an image. I was doing things that didn’t serve me; I had no boundaries and lacked a relationship with the words ‘no’ or ‘no, thank you’.
I have decided that the only person I want to be measured by is myself. This means that not everyone is going to agree with my decisions, but I am no longer running around making choices that others will agree with. That behaviour caused a constant hum of anxiety in my heart.
My question for you is, where do you give away your worthiness? Where do you give away your ability to like yourself because you are seeking the approval of others?
I am personally drawn to people who are grounded and comfortable in themselves. I can feel someone’s discomfort when they don’t feel worthy and want me to fill their tank for them. It often feels darker and in order to deal with my own discomfort I will want to find ways to support their discomfort. I can fall into the trap of fueling my self-worth by supporting others.
Can you relate?
Love,
Noelle
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