Strong attachments. We all have them. We get attached to ideas, to people, to things and to outcomes. We often structure our lives around our attachments. They become our anchor to who we believe we are. They give us a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives – but is that what they are actually providing? Meaning and purpose?
Let me put it this way: over the last few years I have begun to question why I think and believe the things or stories that I tell myself. I am doing this because I started to recognize that what I was telling myself often wasn’t serving me. In fact, I found that the attachments I had been developing to my beliefs started to limit the amount of joy that was available in my life.
I have a couple of examples which give context to what I mean. My first story is about the attachment I had to a house. A house of my own. I have purchased three homes in my life, but over time I realize that at some point I began to equate my ability to create a comfortable life with my ability to own a home. It had become an attachment. When my marriage ended, we sold the house we had purchased only 18 months earlier. It was really sad, and as we moved through our separation, I kept trying to find ways to keep the house. I had become really attached to the house. It was a dream house of sorts, and I felt that letting it go of it was moving backwards. But in the end, because of extenuating circumstances, I let my house go.
One of the reasons I was able to let it go was because I had invested in another property with a friend. It was perfect, if you equate perfection with outside accomplishments, or if you value stuff as something that brings comfort, which at the time I did. We purchased this house, but it all ended up being a nightmare. There were issues with building, but a much larger implosion of issues landed me in court twice and affected some of my financial stability. In the end, I lost money.
I have since sold the place, but in the process I learned that I care more about my home being a place that does not cause me stress. Home is what I make it – it does not make me. Being happy directly correlates with feeling at ease in my life. I have also learned, after renovating two houses and my business building twice, that material possessions can create a lot of stress. So I have let go of buying, renovating and acquiring (for the time being) in order to regain a sense of ease in my life. It doesn’t mean I don’t have dreams for my future, but my dreams aren’t hinged on the expectation that my acquisitions will promote my sense of well-being.
Another example is about my attachment to outcomes, which is woven into the first example. My attachment to outcomes held me in the idea that ‘stuff’ will bring me what I want in life. My attachment to outcomes kept me in relationships that no longer served me, sometimes for way too long. It kept me in friendships, work relationships and intimate connections that did were depleting and exhausting. My attachment to outcomes prevented me from being successful in my business if I wasn’t meeting the financial outcomes I desired. I was fixated on financial success instead of being driven by service and the creation of a business that filled me from the inside out. I had to let go of my attachment to how much I wanted to make a choice to devote myself to work that brought me the joy of being of service.
When I chose to start writing my Mindful Mondays, I had to let go of the idea of how many people would read them, or the benefits I might reap. Had I not let go, I would have not gotten this far. Nor would this project of passion have ended up turning into a book (soon to be published). I had never imagined that at the start of this journey. Once I let go of attachments, I was able to go with the flow, follow my creative side and tap into the flow of life.
I believe being attached to outcomes drives us to deep unhappiness (even depression) and to feelings of worthlessness. It compromises our ability to follow our hearts (our true self), or Ananda (meaning our true self – our connection to a natural state of bliss, joy and happiness).
My attachment to believing that people who have the same views, lifestyle and goals in life are the ones I want to hang out with, or connect with, limits my ability to broaden my world and see other perspectives. It makes it so I think I am right and everyone who doesn’t fall into my imagined world is wrong. I miss out on life when I do this.
What are your attachments? What limits you from living a life that is full of ease and connectivity to your natural state of being? Our natural state of being is to flow and feel love and joy, regardless of the challenges that are being offered.
I don’t care about being liked, or whether people agree with me. I care about being courageous and I continue to have the faith to follow my heart instead of getting caught in the ring of fire my attachments can create for me. I keep getting burned there, and when that happens, I can no longer dance like nobody’s watching. If someone doesn’t believe in what I am doing, I am also able to avoid the temptation to buy into their attachments of who I should be. I am free to live my life and be of service to a purpose that I get glimpses of, but ultimately I have discovered that following my heart becomes a place of space instead of a place that feels contracted and confined by outcomes.
with love
Noelle
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