Recently, I received an email; it felt thoughtless, accusational and uneducated, and I got pissed off. I was triggered. I watched myself slip into a state of frustration – my breathing became shallow, my jaw tensed up, and I started to create a story about why it upset me so much. It caught me for a moment; yet I was able to see myself contracting. My daughter was happily playing nearby. In the past, my inner dialogue would have convinced me that this drama was FAR more important than the ball of happiness jumping all around me, and I would not have been able to interact with her.
Instead, I took a deep breath. I reminded myself that, to create such an email, the person sending the message was struggling. At that moment, it was not my job to respond. I needed to take a deep breath, and feel compassion toward the sender.
Once I followed my own advice, I was able to be present again. I was able to feel grounded and enjoy myself with my daughter. I remembered that if I could respond to the email with a sense of curiosity and compassion, I might be able offer the sender some kindness. But sending a response while I was in my triggered place would only make things worse.
Everyday, life presents us with opportunities that can trigger us. You can get triggered when a clerk at the grocery store makes an off-the-cuff racial comment, or when you walk through cigarette smoke outside a building. It can happen when your partner does not do (AGAIN) a specific chore you’ve asked them to accomplish, or when you feel insulted by someone. You might get triggered when you get cut off while driving, or when someone at work makes a remark that feels judgmental and it felt directed at you.
Being triggered gives us endless opportunities to react. In fact, when we are ‘triggered’ we often either react OR draw inward and withdraw.
What you can avoid is getting lost in your reactions to being triggered. When we are triggered, our body responds. We might feel tension in the heart, a stiff jaw, shallow breathing, narrowed eyes, or pierced lips.
What if you started to recognize when you were feeling these things? What if you were able to think, “Oh, I just got triggered!”. What if you were able to take a breath? Remember, being triggered is a personal response, and it is a choice. When we are triggered we give away sense of our personal power. Often we even hand over our joy and happiness of the moment.
When we brood over an event, we allow it to capitalize our thoughts and govern our emotions.
But a moment may come when we realize we have a choice. We can choose to react, or let go and watch what is happening. We can observe the part of us that wants to react.
If you can do this, just one time, watch what happens to your inner world. Observe your tendency to get caught in the drama the trigger is creating. Become an observer instead of a reactor, and see how this changes the current of voices that run through your mind.
Perhaps this will be enough to convince you that it’s worth it to let go. You will be rewarded with feeling balanced and happy.
with love
Noelle
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