Loneliness is one of the largest factors in mental health issues, addiction and suicide. It is something that isn’t selective to demographic, social standing or wealth. It can capture anyone who is available and willing to travel into the dark tunnel of feeling alone.
For some, managing loneliness is a full-time job. The empty feeling that is carried with loneliness can attach itself to someone who – on the outside – appears to be a social butterfly. It can wrap its grip around someone who works from home and is isolated on a daily basis. Someone who can feel heart-wrenchingly alone in group of people or sitting quietly at home.
We will do anything to not feel alone; we will keep our phones tucked neatly in our hands and keep checking social media just to get a dose of feeling connected. We will saturate our body with alcohol or drugs (prescription or otherwise) in order to numb that deep dark place within. We will stay in an unhealthy relationship to avoid it. We will keep bad company just so we don’t have to feel alone.
The thing about loneliness, is it is like a fungus – once the culture is alive within you it just wants to spread and take over. Before you know it, ‘it’ has become what you feel all the time. Loneliness will grow over you like a fuzzy black blanket until it is so thick you are unable to seek through to a different reality.
In order to manage loneliness, you have to notice when the first spores appear. What situations tend to make you feel lonely? Do you feel more alone after hanging out with certain people than you did before being with them ? Do you work alone? Are you a stay-at-home parent? Retired? Do you have a habit of isolating yourself, or making excuses that no one likes you, or ‘gets’ you? Do you feel like you never get invited out? Do you say, “I am too busy to make plans”, or feel overwhelmed and shut people out as a result? Are you using your exhaustion as a scapegoat?
The first two steps in managing your loneliness are witnessing what creates the feeling, and noticing what thoughts perpetuate it.
In order to combat lonliness, you need to have a game plan – a loneliness fitness plan that you can use when you start getting unfit with loneliness. Examples of how you can do that are:
Become part of a group, something that gets you out of your house and includes social interaction. Community biking, hiking, knitting, singing, dancing or book clubs are good options.
Get outside and move! This is so important. Do something outside, whether it’s walking, talking, running, whatever. Just get outside. Even if you have to force yourself.
Go to political, social or recreational community events. Engage.
Volunteer your time. Give back. Someone out there needs your time. Someone will benefit from what you have to offer. If you want to combat loneliness, be of service.
Say “thank you” MORE. Gratitude will shift everything, especially detailed gratitude. Be specific and give as much detail as you can about the people, situations and experiences you are grateful for.
Invite people to join you in your activities and events. If the first person you asked is unable to commit, ask someone else.
Practice yoga. Just do. It will benefit you greatly. You do not need to be super skinny, flexible or fit to practice yoga. You just need to be willing to learn and the rest will come.
Sign up and commit yourself to something you have to show up for every week. This will help keep you accountable.
It is easy to get sidelined by loneliness, and it’s best to combat it by doing the opposite of what comes from feeling lonely (isolation and introspection). BE, feel and do things that push you out of your comfort zone. You have a choice. Either loneliness takes over and all the side affects and isolating behaviors take over, or you reach deep inside and decide not to allow those feelings to live within you.
It’s a choice, and it takes HARD work. But your life will be better if you work hard at not believing the ways your mind wants to convince you that you are alone.
I am here if you ever want reach out
Thank you for being you
love
Noelle
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