There is a lot online about vulnerability these days. In these communications or posts, I feel there is confusion around the meaning of vulnerability. Vulnerability is certainly not expressed by prefacing a post, “This is a vulnerability post”, or by posting pictures of oneself with the intention of showing vulnerability. The key word here is intention. It’s OK to check in with your intention: just because something makes you feel uncomfortable, it does not mean you are being vulnerable. If your intention is to show you are vulnerable, you are likely not being vulnerable. It is, however, possible that your insecurities are directing your actions.
I believe vulnerability can be measured by the profound discomfort that comes when you are present in your own pain, hurt, heartache or trauma. You are being vulnerable when you can resist avoidance and disconnection. Vulnerability is the ability to hunker down in discomfort, to allow it to exist and allow ourselves to become profoundly uncomfortable with it. It takes an immense amount of courage to stay present in your pain.
Having vulnerability is being able to sit with someone who is going through intense pain or something unimaginable to you. It is being able to be with them, in their pain and the awfulness, without trying to change or fix it.
You are being vulnerable when you have a difficult but honest talk with someone at work, and instead of filling the conversation with justifications and excuses, you speak your truth kindly and create space for the other to receive and process; you allow them their experience and the space to express it.
Something that creates discomfort within in not necessarily a bad experience. You should feel uncomfortable about having a difficult conversation. You can absolutely feel anxious when you’re moving out of your comfort zone. Anxiety is not an indication that you shouldn’t have difficult conversations, but an indication that you’re having the right conversations. I think we confuse these feelings with being bad, and because of that, we close ourselves off from being present and vulnerable.
Uncomfortable feelings slowly subside when you are able to be present with them, and you try not to change, correct or hide from them.
It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable. It requires profoundly accepting of all the feelings that arise. It takes practice. It takes practice to allow yourself to feel in the presence of someone else, let alone be able to feel these intense emotions on your own.
But what makes life worth living, at least for me, is the constant effort it takes to remain present, to engage when it is tempting to disconnect. It is a practice, as always. Success can’t be measured, and you can’t be successful at being vulnerable, you just are. It’s an experience that is ever evolving with the continuous opportunities that life brings.
May we all find the courage to get uncomfortable today.
love
Noelle