Here I go, on my soapbox: for goodness’ sake, can we all just stop being so darn good? You know, when someone asks you, “How are you?” and without missing a beat your automatic response is “good”? You know there is no quality to it. Even as the word slips out of your mouth, you probably know there is a more authentic answer to that question. How on Earth are you going to be able to speak your truth in this world if you can’t even answer that simple question honestly?
I get it, I really do. I answer, “I’m good!” because I don’t want to be too honest for fear of being judged or taking up too much of someone’s time. Sometimes I worry that someone might not want to speak to me again because I’m too much, or too real.
Can you imagine if we all just spoke our truths? We would be able to say, “Actually, I’m shitty”, or “I just got in an argument, and I feel raw”, or “I am too tired/hungry/bored/sad/distracted/ to talk”? When we gloss over our answers, we give other people permission to do the same. We don’t encourage real exchange. When you answer, “I am good” no one says, “Really? Tell me all the ways you are good. Give me an actual glimpse of your current experience”. An expected answer excuses you from sharing too much about yourself. You don’t have to explain why you’re good. You also don’t have the opportunity to share all the ways you are fantastically happy or proud of yourself or in love.
Instead, the next time someone asks, you could just sweetly and honestly be gloriously honest and move on. Bam! Just like that.
When you do this, when you are beautifully honest, you’ll be able to move through conversation with more of your true self, with a bit less of the veil of protection that holds you back from just being you. Sweet ol’ you.
Try it today. For the entire day, be honest about how you are doing. Check in with yourself every time you have the opportunity to answer the question and see how it feels to be unapologetically honest. Did you find a bit of yourself in there, buried under layers of self-protective habits or assumptions about others’ interests in you? When you give it a chance to speak, that quiet place in you takes a big-assed exhale because it feels so darn good to be exposed.
You’ll undoubtedly have to practice not worrying about how anyone else responds to your honesty. It may make some people uncomfortable. It may raise some eyebrows. As a society, we are very comfortable with being “good!”, and it’s a habit that won’t be broken overnight. But isn’t finding your truth worth a little discomfort?
An honorable mention in this practice is the skill of being a good listener. This is separate topic but touching on it has value. It’s good to ask someone how they are as though you mean it (because hopefully you do), and not to ask if you don’t have the time or energy to hold space and attention for their answer. Authentic conversation is ultimately a two-way street.
love
Noelle
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