For a long time, I was so invested in being known as a highly competent, reliable and hard working woman that I sacrificed living an inspired life. Or living a whole life. I wasn’t following my heart; I was following an image I’d created for myself. I wanted be to be seen as ‘good’, that I was willing to forgo my dreams and let my true self remain hidden.
I am really skilled at struggling because it was my reality for so many years. It is a pattern of behaviour that is easy to fall back on. I had a tendency to attract people who would deplete my life. I could be self depleting when I moved from that place within which was used to being broken – emotionally, financially and physically broken. I believed that to love someone meant to be consistently in pain and struggle.
But my inner voice was relentless, and continuously reminded me that I was meant to do more. I kept feeling like I had a purpose, but I didn’t know what it was.
Now I recognize that I was too busy being the woman I thought I should be to clearly hear what my higher self was asking of me. I was trying to live up to the expectations the image I’d created, instead of being who I wanted to be.
That voice isn’t so loud anymore because I am now living my own unique life. I own my experiences they don’t own me. I recognize I get to choose my life it doesn’t choose me. I feel more creative, honest with myself and free to be me.
We often look for permission to follow our hearts. I think most of us are waiting to be told, “Go ahead, follow that dream” or, “Let that go” or, “Take that risk”. It wasn’t until I gave myself permission to stop trying to be seen as a competent, reliable and hard working person that I was able to let go of doing the things that no longer served me.
When I began that process I was able to find a real connection to my purpose, to what lights me up and to where I really want to spend my energy.
That old framework is still part of me. I still judge myself when I choose to work from home instead of being present at my office space. I worry someone might think I am not working hard enough. I often have to remind myself, “who do I have to prove myself to”?
It is really challenging to move from existing in a lesser place of being to holding yourself accountable. It is tempting to limit yourself to your own views, views that are often imposed at an early life stage when you did not have the authority or awareness to question them.
I began to make peace with myself when I let go of being seen as ‘good enough’ for others. When I let go of needing to show up for others, I started showing up for myself.
I am still really talented at being a giver, and I intend to continue to harness that skill. However, there is a difference between being able to give from a place of balanced self care than from a depleted place, or from a part of me that wants to be seen as generous.
As I changed my mindset around how I think the world sees me, I was able to truly find a purpose. Before, I couldn’t connect to that intuition because it was covered in ideas that muffled my inner hearing. When I was doing things to be seen in a certain way, I was unable to hear myself, because I wasn’t acting for me. I was doing it for others. When I let that go, I was able to get more clear with myself and trust my guidance more. I was able to listen to my intuition and follow a path that was more authentic to me.
What about you? How do you present yourself to the world? How do you want to be seen? Why?
Do you feel connected to your purpose? Do you feel like you are living the life you are meant to be living?
These questions are not meant to spiral you into a dialogue of self doubt, but rather to question why you are doing what you are doing. Do you feel connected to your intuition? Or is there is another part of you that is the driving force to your life?
If you want help with this, I offer my 50 hr Life & Yoga Immersion starting in May.
I hope you give yourself permission to let go of the views about yourself that are no longer serving you.
with love
Noelle
P.S If you find these messages beneficial, please help me share my message. Forward to a Friend, Follow my blog, or share on Social Media.