That comes from Brene Brown whose research and work is really important in our world right now as well as for the future. I want to bring light to some of the things she speaks of, to help spread her teachings, because I feel privileged to be present on this planet at the same time she is here doing her work.
In her book Braving The Wilderness, Brown talks about how it’s hard to hate people up close, so move in. Get close and see yourself in them. This action results in a profound inner challenge. We make people the enemy from afar. We decide we are somehow different from them. We imagine ourselves better than them, that we would make better decisions if we were in their shoes. Think about how many times you have had thoughts like that. If you are a parent, you know that you thought you would do it different from others, that somehow you would have more insight. This is only until you become a parent and realize that you are in way over your head and have to figure it all out along the way, just like everyone else. That is, unless you still believe you know the answers and feel called to tell others how to parent (there still are a number of folks out there in that camp). My point being, we don’t know what it’s like for someone else until we are standing in similar shoes. We don’t know their sufferings or traumas. I like to remind myself that everyone is doing the best they can, even if their best does not match up to mine.
Brene also teaches us that we can be present with people without sacrificing who you are, and not at the cost of your freedom, authenticity and power. Wow! Imagine being present without stepping into the Us vs. Them mentality? Imagine knowing that you do not need to make yourself bigger than someone else to be in your power. The power comes from within and not from dominating someone else. She reminds us that we will “do anything to consume facts that support our point of view.” We will find anything to make ourselves right. We will look at facts and change the meaning of them to support how badly we want to be right. We will endorse our beliefs by finding more and more proof that what we are believing is, in fact, truth.
We are seeing ourselves as separate from others, that if their opinions are different from ours we make them wrong. We forget that we all want to be loved, we all want to be seen, that we have all endured pain (some more than others) and we are all doing our best. Lean in, have a look deeper into the eyes of those are made into villains see if you can look at them from your heart instead of your mind.
Ask yourself, are you responding from your highest self and not the ego that wants to be correct and win? From the space within you that can allow different points of view while you maintain your own? Can you see that in allowing for other perspectives, you can still have your freedom, because your freedom comes from within? Nelson Mandela kept his power during his almost three decades in prison because he understood that his happiness and power existed within him, and no one could take that from him. Think about that. He found the capacity to be authentic and remain in his power after almost 30 years in prison. Often, we will believe that someone else can take away our power. That in order to remain in control, we will have to dominate with our views and opinions. AND I believe none of us have had to spend three decades in prison by speaking our truths aimed at creating a better world.
Can we stop hating people? Can we look for common ground? Can we empower and teach our children to find the good in others and not teach them to make other people wrong?
This is a hard practice. The ego wants desperately to be in control. Is this a practice you are willing to start looking at?
Because we ALL need compassion.
With a humble heart
Noelle