Something is fractured in our social system. Stay with me, here: I’m not a pessimist, I’m an optimist, but I feel we’ve lost our way as a society. Despite the positive progress happening in the world, if we’re not able to look at where we’re broken, we can’t possibly repair, heal and grow.
For most, ‘failure’ is a dirty word. I imagine it’s the one thing that unifies our collective fears – meaning most of us are terrified of failure, or of being seen as a failure. Maybe you want to stay in your comfort zone, so you don’t put yourself out there in case you fail – and when someone else fails you are relieved it wasn’t you. Or maybe you have become more comfortable with stepping outside your comfort zone, but you are working your butt off so that you don’t fail – and you feel a great relief when someone else does fail. A lot of the time those things go hand in hand. It’s rare to see someone celebrating the success of another, unless it’s someone in their small inner circle such as a child, partner, family member or dear friend.
Most of the time we experience pangs of jealousy, resentment or worthlessness when we see someone else celebrating an accomplishment in their life.
In my own fear of failing, I’ve witnessed myself go into scarcity – believing that there isn’t enough money, success, love etc. to go around. I battle with myself, believing that if I just work myself harder and longer and into exhaustion, I will be rewarded. I get defensive and pushy. Ultimately, I’m blinded by fear and I forget to look at the big picture, acknowledge what’s working well and what I’m grateful for. When I’m able to step outside my fear, I see the world as a loving place instead of a hostile battlefield.
What is it about the desperation of seeking to be on ‘top’ that devastates our moral compass? Why is it that when we want to be seen as successful, it means someone else has to fail? Why do we want to make someone else smaller instead of finding the courage to go toward what we want? How do we forgot that creativity is not finite, and that if we curate our creative ideas instead of hijacking someone else’s, or praying for their failure, we’ll feel better and more successful because we’ve followed our own path and celebrated others along the way.
It feels good to feel good. When we think bad things about others, we feel bad; when we think good things about others, we feel good.
I believe we struggle for two reasons: there’s something fundamentally wrong with our ideas of success, and we think that life should be easy. We tend to view success in fantastical ways. This is primarily taught to us by traditional Hollywood and white cultural archetypes of success. We’ve been spoon fed the idea that success is related to money, title, notoriety (with the invent of social media the idea of being ‘liked’ has had a devastating affect on our world), relationship status, children and material possessions.
What about this: What if success is the ability to be at peace with yourself and feel joy in everyday life? What if success is the ability to be present when you’re speaking to someone – not constructing your next words, not thinking about what they should be doing, not planning a to-do list – you’re right there with them. Wouldn’t that bring a quiet to your mind and a presence to your heart that would make you feel fulfilled and calm? Could that be a measure of success?
What if the fear of failing is what is fuelling so much divisiveness? What if being scared to admit what’s not working in our society is what is creating chaos? Issues are being amplified into pandemonium because of the fear of the unknown. Listening to the news, we’re constantly barraged with worst-case scenarios instead of what’s working and the positive things that are coming out of it. What we fixate on most manifests, either for good or bad. How about focusing on seeing the good in yourself and others? What would that feel like for you?
What would it be like to celebrate someone who looks good, who’s had a windfall, who got the job you’ve always dreamed of? What would it be like to praise someone for going toward something that requires dedication and perseverance, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel celebratory?
Finding the good in this world might make your heart feel ease and peace. Wouldn’t it be worth the experiment if this could impact your life in a positive way?
With love
Noelle