The ego, what is it? How does it serve or hinder our experiences? How can we move forward mindfully without being constantly controlled and manipulated by it?
The design and function of our ego is ancient and out of date. It has served an important role in our civilization as it keeps us on constant alert and aware of potential dangers. It was designed to keep us in our stress response – fight, flight or freeze. Because of that important function, it has allowed us to thrive and become the species we are today – very smart and creative problem solvers, talented enough to create a world that has evolved into a modern and technologically-driven era.
However, I think our ego function is hindering our evolution. Because we are constantly worried and anxious, the ego hasn’t developed in the same way our world has. It continues to try to establish that we are unsafe, and convinces us to respond within that framework of operation.
The ego does this by pulling us into stress in response to the events around us; it does this by trying to establish its dominance over our mind. The ego is everything we fight against. It is the part of us that wants to label people, experiences, thoughts and ideas. It is the part of us that separates us from love, and moves us towards fear.
Micheal Beckworth says the acronym for ego is “Edging God Out” (you can replace the word god with goodness or goddess if you prefer if god doesn’t resonate for you). I love this acronym because it reminds me that when our ego is in control we lose sight of our higher selves. The part of us that moves beyond reactivity, the ego removes our capacity to be kinder to ourselves or others. The is always a motive associated with the ego.
How do you establish whether you are moving from ego, or from a place of awareness? Ego tends to be that place within us that is pushing against goodness, that convinces us to be on high alert and dismantle our sense of well being. It is the place within us that wants to fight; it tell us that our thoughts are real, and that if we continue to believe our thoughts. we will be safe. I believe, however, that when we connect to the intelligence of our bodies and to the wisdom of sensation, and when we learn to override the system within us that feels scared or fearful, we will reach far greater peace in our internal and external worlds.
I really like what Eckhart Tolle says about how to know when you are disconnecting from your ego: It is when we reach that place where we recognize our thoughts, and our attachment to our thoughts, that we are able to question our desire to make those thoughts a reality. It is when we simply stop and observe, instead of reacting and conforming to those thoughts. In that moment we have disempowered our ego.
It has become a steady practice for me to allow my ego to be less involved in my decision making. I work at letting go of labeling people. I work on controlling my desire to react. I am learning to resist the temptation to react and label a situation. It is big work for me, but I can tell you it has created far less inner conflict and drama in my life.
Here is an example of how I put this into practice: When I have had my heart ‘crushed’ (not actually crushed, but this is a sensation most of us can relate to) by a lover who didn’t behave in a manner I would have preferred, as efficiently as I can, I work to let go of making the other person into a ‘bad guy’. Their actions may not have been kind, but the more I hold onto the story of hating or making them bad, the longer it takes for me to recover. Some people assume I am disconnecting and avoiding my feelings with this practice, but I can assure you this is not the case. I still allow myself to feel, whether it is anger, hurt or frustration, but I no longer allow the emotions to take over my world indefinitely. I let go so I can release the pain and move towards being more beautifully connected with myself and the world around me.
The ego is a big teacher, and when we soften our attachment to it we move into a more loving state; we no longer feel that we are constantly under assault. When we let go of that, we no longer consistently (unconsciously or consciously) feel like we are self-protecting, and we can be more free in the world. With that freedom we can access our playfulness, our kindness, our compassion, a sense of ease and an overall sense of lightness.
Trust the journey
with love
Noelle
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