Last week I wrote about resilience, which could be one of the key factors in creating a happy life. With resilience, we learn how to lift ourselves up and see opportunities instead of seeing only failure, pain or struggle. I feel like there’s a desperation for happiness in our world, a clinging and palpable anxiety about wanting it. As though it’s something to be bought, acquired, or earned; as though we have a right or subsequent privilege to feel entitled to it. When we anxiously seek for and crave things based on entitlement and a frenetic craving, we are moving further and further away from joy. That energy is created from a place of lack. The anguish of wanting often means we push it away – because we’re in a state of missing out. Let me phrase it this way: we can’t experience happiness when we’re unhappy.
We have to feel joy for the little things that are already in our lives, to recognize what’s good in order to start experiencing more of it. We can’t experience good when all we see is the bad, when we consistently project happiness onto the future – meaning, I’ll be happy when x,y or z happens. If we crave a certain emotion we have to allow it to exist now, because we can’t manifest a future that isn’t experienced today.
Being unhappy brings me more unhappiness. Every time I envy someone else’s life it brings me misery; when I obsess about not being good enough, I’m not good enough. The only thing that started to create change in my life was when I changed my focus. When I started to focus on what I’m grateful for, the small everyday things, I started feeling lighter. I started to lift myself up and clear the haze of sadness and moodiness. I now look for the good, and it’s not easy: I still get dark, but I continue the practice of telling myself that I get to choose my thoughts. So I choose again and again and again.
I haven’t perfected life, because life is never perfect. I haven’t landed in a place that holds me above pain or struggle because it’s simply impossible. Goals that expect perfection only leave us feeling inadequate and unlovable.
So if you ever need a little lift in your day, the Beatles perfected sunshiny, feel good lyrics. You could try using one of these to lift your spirits.
To quote the Beatles:
- I get by with a little help from my friends, I get high with a little help from my friends.
- All you need is love. Love is all you need.
- Take these broken wings and learn to fly, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive.
- Hey Jude, don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better.
- Remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better.
- Here comes the sun, and then I say, it’s all right.
Keep it simple. Years ago, I used an acronym when facilitating groups: K.I.S.S – Keep It Simple, Silly. Don’t overcomplicate your sadness or your desires. Start simple practices that help lift you to higher grounds of emotional well-being. Start a daily gratitude practice, get outside, or find something that makes you feel connected to something greater than your mind: art, yoga, community, supporting others. Don’t include this whole list as a to-do list. Find a way to keep it simple and remind yourself every single day what’s good in your life.
with love, Noelle