I was considered the black sheep of my family, which always confounded me. I believe it was because I didn’t follow suit, I pushed against convention and believed in systems that didn’t exist. I would resist against and be defiant.
I would go after the things I wanted and the things I wanted were not understood. What I wanted was healing, but I didn’t even know what that could look like. I wanted for respect, kindness, compassion and to be understood, but that wasn’t able to happen in a home with so much pain. I still push against believes and challenge systems.
I didn’t follow the trajectory that was wanted of me (and still don’t), this looks different in all families, doesn’t mean you have to follow one path it means you’re not following the path your family desires. Perhaps you come from a family of farmers that live a simple life and you choose to go to a big university and study environmentalism and develop a career in government. Or your family has all graduated from ivy league or large universities and expect the same as you, and you choose not to go to post secondary. It’s not that there’s one path, it’s that some of us don’t follow the path that is expected.
For any of you who’ve been considered the black sheep of the family or know someone who is considered one, I found this beautiful writing from Bert Hellinger that I wanted to share:
The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.
The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionize beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticized, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.
The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.
Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.
Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.
However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.
Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.
You are the dream of all your ancestors.
– Bert Hellinger
Although his words feel soothing to my soul, it’s not an egoistic consoling, it feels like an allowing to be free from judgements. It feels like a liberation from worry of disrupting the way things were.
I hope this lands for someone in a way that inspires hope and removes some of the burden, or helps create understanding to those in your life that have been considered the black sheep.
May understanding creating peace.
with love
Noelle