I’m assuming that, like me, you’re interested in this weird human experience, in unpacking the dimensions of your mind and working hard to create a loving relationship with yourself so that you can find ways to be loving and open with others.
Perfection is an illusion. It’s not a thing, it’s pretending to be a thing. We can look at art, a sunset, an incredible landscape, or an unforgettable meal and feel like they are perfect. They are acts of beauty that feel like perfection because of the awe they illuminate within us. It doesn’t last – the experience is fleeting. It’s a moment in time, but it allows us to appreciate the finest of experiences and feel them all over.
To imagine that any human is perfect is a mere opportunity to ensure that we have control over them. If we claim or see perfection in someone it’s an opportunity to be in control because when they fail, fumble, or are messy we can pull them down from the pedestal and act shocked at their audacity for not maintaining our imagination.
What I find amazing is how we are looking for perfection. I truly think it is what most of us are looking for: the perfect job, partner, friends, vacations, house, kids, or community. It’s relentless. We seek the unattainable, which means that a lot of us are in a constant state of seeking or chasing.
Dating is a great example. We swipe on images of people, trying to find that ‘spark’ and the ‘perfect match,’ but when we finally get to meet someone over the phone or in person we’re often disappointed because they aren’t who we imagined. They don’t look exactly like their photo or always say the right thing, so it’s easy to decide we don’t want them.
If you’re someone who’s trying to do their inner work, it’s a precarious adventure. Not only because you’re confronted with yourself in ways that may feel unappealing but also because (I think) as soon as people realize that you’re making a conscious effort to learn about yourself, they expect perfection. When you’re not perfect (which is all the time) it can be thrown in your face, like “I got you! You’re not perfect!” It will take a lot of time to figure out your own belief systems, pains, unconscious reactions, and habits of self-protection. Life will throw you around, you’’ have moments of grace and many moments of floundering, as you try to figure out what makes you feel intense emotions or what makes your shut down.
make you a person who might feel raw or sensitive to your own imperfections.
Earlier on in my journey, I had an air of I’ve got this thing figured out. I was arrogant and annoying. In the process of doing my work I learned that I was still and will forever be a work in progress, and understanding myself is more important than being understood or being perceived as having it all together.
After 25+ years of doing this work there’s one thing I’m certain of — I know so little. The only thing I know is that it’s been hard work getting to know myself, learning my triggers, and paying close enough attention to understand what behaviours are hurtful to others. I’m still learning. Otherwise, I understand how I’ve projected my own anxiety, fears, and inner complexities onto others in ways that are destabilizing to myself and those around me. It’s learning that and working on these parts of myself that has brought me the most peace.
No one is perfect. I certainly don’t think I am, but I’m shocked at the number of times throughout my life someone has announced to me that I’m not perfect. What is that? What’s the point of that? I can tell you that the people who have done that are those that have felt hurt by me or want something that I have.
Once we understand that nothing and no one is perfect, once we understand we’re all making mistakes and trust is an ever-shifting experience, we can steady ourselves enough to realize there’s nothing more beautiful than random experiences of awe, sensations that feel like perfection but are merely moments that take us out of our messiness.
love, Noelle