I believe in my life right now, I have been gifted with an abundance of challenges. Those who know me well know I am not exaggerating here: I’ve been pushed to such extremes that I have fallen to my knees and said, “Enough, please. Please, no more.”
I know you have been in this place as well. You may not be in challenging times right now, but I can guarantee that you have been and will again be in the future. You can’t be human and not deal with challenges, whether it’s overcoming the dark voices that come from within or the actions of others or decisions that lead you down a path you did not want.
I have sought the answers to why… Did I make some soul agreement? Am I a bad person? Do I trust the wrong people? How could I fail myself so massively? I can get caught up in trying to find the reason. This can become obsessive and self-defeating. The reason is really to give me the opportunity to see how I can hold myself gently and receive the gifts that struggle has to offer. The real question, then, is can I become less reactive and more loving?
When we are in challenging times, we get stressed and caught up in a frenzy of emotions that take us out of our bodies and into our minds and egos. We become reactive and enter survival mode. There is no way to connect with a deeper knowing when we are in this state. When I am consumed with reactivity, I become completely disconnected from my inner guidance, from the intelligence that comes from my heart and my intuition, which means I make decisions that are not coming from my highest place. I make choices that lead me down a road of more challenges. I enter into emotional contracts with people who may hurt me deeply. This is because when I am disconnected from my heart and my body, I can’t figure out which door to walk through. I can’t find my way.
I use these three steps to deal with my own personal challenges. Finding grace through these times is my life long practice, and I know I will use these steps as long as I am here on this planet because that is precisely how long I will continue to be challenged.
1) Avoid the temptation to bring more drama to the challenge. It is so easy to get frustrated and be pushed to the point of wanting to share your story with everyone, to have outbursts, to throw tantrums, to feel like you are the victim. Practice silence, intentional conversation and contemplation instead.
2) Being loving does not mean you have to forgive or take more abuse from someone or a situation. It means that you no longer have to react from a defensive place. If you connect to the love within, you are able to see there is struggle in all of us, which can open you up to compassion for someone else. You can show compassion towards someone else from afar and internally, in your mind and body. It does not have to be outwardly expressed to matter.
3) Take a breather. The moment you find yourself being triggered and want to attack as a response, stop yourself. Maybe go for a walk, maybe close your office door (or put in headphones if you don’t have a door), breathe, move away from computers or phones where the temptation to respond is more acute. Wait an hour. A day. A week. Until the charge is gone and you find space within that feels at peace. Every challenge is an opportunity to find your peace.
I have been personally attacked and accused of being someone that I know is not true. I have been accused of unimaginable thing, and I have wanted — needed — desperately to prove them wrong, to tell them all the ways they are wrong. But here is what I have learned from this experience: I respond without defensiveness. I respond from the person that I want to be, the person that I want my actions and my words to show that I am. I respond from my wisdom instead of my ego. I do not try to show how idiotic they may be (to me) for their inaccuracies or stories. I remember that some place within them, this hurtful story they are telling is true. It could be from their past, but something has triggered some deep fear within them that is being poured onto me. It is not mine. What they say does not have to be my truth. I soften into myself, I cry to release tension, I pray for my connection to grown deeper with my heart and I gently remove myself from my reactive ego. And I breathe.
With a humble heart,
Noelle