To forgive is one of the most challenging things things to do. Holding onto resentment often feels “right,”, like holding onto it gives us permission to be hurt. The person that caused us the pain must not be forgiven because if we forgive, we would be saying, “It’s OK that you hurt me.” The thing is, the only person that is hurt when we don’t forgive is ourselves. Truly. No one else suffers more deeply than us.
Sometimes our friends and family suffer because we carry our hurt on our shoulders like a badge honoring our pain. We may have this illusion that convincing our closest allies of our pain will help protect us and deliver suffering to the offender. But that is not true. At least in my life, I have learned that my allies tend to turn on me when I spend too much air time delivering my reasonings for why my (perceived) enemy should become theirs, too. Even if you don’t feel this resistance from your friends, the fact is that trying to convince others that someone else should be shamed will bring you more pain and more loneliness because you’re moving from your smallest self when you’re leading a charge like that.
Not forgiving is wanting for a different past. It is obviously actually 100% impossible to go back in time, however. What is possible to create is the future that you want. If you want a future that includes wholehearted connections and not feeling bound and contracted by your pain, then forgiveness is the only way. Forgiveness truly sets us free. It delivers us from our own evils, from the stories that hold us bound and keep us small.
Forgiveness is a deeply generous offering to our own journey. Forgiveness says, “I know I was hurt, but it is time to let it go. Not because I am forgiving the behavior or event, but because I am choosing to forgive the person for my own salvation.” The less hurt we hold in our own hearts, the more we will be able to generously offer ourselves wholeheartedly to the people and things in our life that truly matter.
Less pain = softer heart.
Softer heart = room to grow into the bright light you are meant to be.
Bright light = peace, both for ourselves and for those around us.
It’s all a matter of choice. I have held onto pain so tightly that I couldn’t breathe. That has dictated all of my relationships and experiences. It confined me and kept me small. Once I started to forgive, I had this tremendous experience of living lighter, of literally glowing from the inside out. Of being more at peace and less at war.
There is so much war on this planet. If we want that to change, we literally have to change the inner wars raging in our hearts. To soften to ourselves. To choose a different experience. Forgiveness is not easy, yet once chosen, it is amazing how everything gets easier.
Forgiveness releases tension, softens stress and has tremendous healing powers.
Trust me, whatever you’re holding onto is worth letting go. The freedom is all yours to experience.
Forgiveness is freedom
Noelle