When I was young, less than 10 years old, I visited my father in Switzerland. He took my sisters and me to an indoor public pool. I remember playing and jumping, and at some point I jumped and I didn’t see someone and jumped on them. It could have been a kid or an adult, I don’t recall. What I do recall is being yelled at; my father wasn’t around and I felt like I had made the biggest mistake ever. I felt so guilty. I hid in the change room when we were leaving because I didn’t want to be ridiculed or called out. I carried that mistake with me for decades. Every time I remembered it I would be washed with shame and embarrassment. It was an event that happened in one minute, yet I held onto it for many years.
I have felt the same shame after I’ve communicated poorly with friends, or made decisions that did not follow my values, or when I wasn’t discerning enough with the men in my life. I’ve carried these poor decisions with me, like badges that proved I wasn’t worth anything good. They were the silent critics in my life, these stories that kept me from opening up to people. I felt like I was so damaged in my errors, nobody could love me. I believed when they saw the ‘real me’ they would be so appalled they would shun me.
It was a miserable way to live. I felt like I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without being on the receiving end of nasty judgement. I was uncomfortable in my own body and my behavior was a direct reflection of that. I choose to be dishonest with myself so I did not have to be honest with others. This behavior led to endless dramas in my life.
Today I do it differently. When I make a mistake, I own it. I can laugh at most of them. I can move through pains, embarrassments and poor choices with a sense of curiosity. I allow myself to grow from my choices instead of shrink from them. I allow life to teach me.
Allowing your mistakes to open you will give you the freedom to live life on your terms, bruises and all. Your mistakes will be your greatest teachers. Your mistakes will guide you to make better choices in the future, choices that align with your values and with whom you want to become. You are not the choices you made in the past, but your better self can be reflected in the choices you make today and from this moment forward. If you want to shift how you feel about yourself, allow the choices you make today to reflect who you want to be. Use your poor choices to be a gift for moving you into greater alignment with whom you want to be and how you want to feel.
Don’t allow your past poor judgments to direct your future. Allow them to teach you who you want to become.
You are capable of causing unimaginable pain in someone else’s life, but you can choose to heal by making amends with your actions and finding ways to honestly apologize to those you’ve hurt. You can attempt to repair the damage you’ve done, but if that’s not an option, you can choose to give to others in a way that is more generous than you have ever been before. We don’t give of ourselves in silent reciprocity, we give of ourselves by humbly owning our mistakes and being honest about even our poorest choices.
Allow your mistakes to be your greatest gift by choosing differently. Choose to be kind, open, loving, open-hearted and honest. Living from a place of genuine acceptance of yourself will allow you to see others beyond their mistakes. You will be able to see that people are not the total of their mistakes. Sometimes we think that our poor choices are a reflection of who we are. This belief can lead us to feel that we might as well continue making poor choices if we are afraid of who we are and imagine that who we will become is measured by who we were.
Your mistakes in business, sport, relationships, school and within your own families are opportunities to learn, grow and evolve. Don’t let those opportunities pass you by. This life is short, and it is not worth living with the weight of your suffering. Believing you are not good or that your choices make you a certain ‘type’ of person is a limiting belief system.
Look for your inner light. Know you are able to feel different from this moment forward. You deserve to live with a sense of freedom.
With love
Noelle
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