Most of us spend our lives seeking, yearning and praying to meet the ‘one’. Our soul partner; a partner for life. Fairly tales are built around that ideal. Love stories all end with finding the ‘one’. There are industries built on seeking love: dating apps, dating coaches, dating events, self-help books, Netflix series. There are stores designed to help us win hearts and catch the eye of our potential beloved: chocolate stores, flower shops, and lingerie boutiques.
But what about friends? Aren’t friends our lifeline to connection? Isn’t friendship a massive part of what makes our world go around? We seek council from friends about relationship frustrations and we unpack big life decisions with our friends. We go to live music, laugh in the park, have tea, start businesses and make life long commitments with our friends. Where are the industries fabricated on helping us find people that become our soul sisters or brothers?
If I put out an add, it would read – ISO Friend:
Seeking person who loves passionate women. I’m driven and hard working, I love spending time with my friends and being outside. My mission is to create good in the world and help others. I LOVE the finer things: wine, travel, food, organic produce. I splurge on shoes, I love stylish clothing and I’m interested in deep and honest conversations. I like going to nice bars (the ones where you can hear one another speak) and socializing with new people.
I am looking for someone who will call me out on my sh*t in a kind and gentle way, and I want the freedom to dream big in my friendships –not be judged when I’m fumbling (say, through my dating life). It would be fantastic (but not necessary) if you also loved one or more of the following: skiing, Nordic skiing, running, mountain biking, rivers, mountains, etc
I’m looking for a friend that I can call when I want to rant about how I’m struggling with my work load and when my personal life is falling apart. You would be patient with me and understand I might need to get feisty. You’ll listen, and I will calm down.
You’ll witness my big mistakes, and you won’t say things like, “Don’t you think you’re worth more than that?”. You’ll patiently support me and ask me what I want instead of dolling out judgements. Even if you see me fail, you’ll be kind.
You enjoy lifting women up instead of gossiping about them. You’ll be patient with my faults and love my light side. I, in turn, will offer myself in a similar way.
Something like that.
Is it a crazy concept to make a pros and cons list about what we want in a friend? The kind of list you think of when you’re ready to bring new cohorts into your life? It may sound outrageous, but I think there’s something to this idea. If we paid attention to the people we bring into our lives, to the kinds of friendships we want to curate, we’d be much happier.
We’d feel supported and less alone. We’d know that surrounding ourselves with like-minded people would create a soft place to land when our worlds fall apart. When we go through divorces, when loved ones die, when we lose jobs or businesses fail – when our hearts are broken and we’re a mess on the bathroom floor.
It may feel awkward to use an app designed for ‘friend dating’, but if you’re ready to bring new people into your life and you’re at a stage of life where meeting new people is challenging. Or you’re travelling or moved to a new place. Imagine you could consciously build the connections and relationships you want in many areas of your life. In the same way we put energy into creating intimate relationships – we could do the same for friends. Wouldn’t that be as thrilling as dating?
With love
Noelle