Does it seem a bit arrogant for me to claim I know the one thing that will bring more calm to your life? I think back to my days of waking up and going from zero to sixty in a matter of moments: getting breakfast made, making lunches, scrambling to get out the door on time, dropping my daughter at school/camp. The constant dialogue in my head was “There’s just not enough time”.
Exhausting.
Everyday, day after day. The same dialogue.
This is still very much my reality, the full schedule, and the misperception of a work/life balance. However, the one practice that changed my life, and still does, is retraining my inner dialogue. Unconsciously allowing the language “There isn’t enough time” sends me into a state of panic and anxiety. When I’m in that state, it affects every aspect of my life. My conversations are less connected and more rushed, my jaw is clenched most of the day. I shove my garden grown salad into my mouth as a means to an end, without enjoying the flavor or appreciating the quiet time to eat. I’m pressed to get home and make dinner; I view bedtime as a thing to get done instead of valuable time to connect with my daughter. I end the day feeling shame that I’m not the parent, friend and employer that I want to be.
What I do now is reframe the dialogue to ‘There’s enough time’ or ‘I feel calm and at ease’. These are simple inner conversations that have a serious affect on my physical and emotional state. I’m calmer; my conversations with others are satiated within minutes because I’m present and listening. I have time to connect with my family in meaningful ways, and I feel at peace when I go to bed.
There is a second part to this practice. I ask myself, “What’s the one thing I can remove from my life to create more peace and space?”. Today, my answer is that I need to give myself permission to socialize a little less as other parts of my life demand more time. For example, work is requiring more of me and I need to keep that a priority right now. When I do this, I give myself permission to be there for my daughter in the ways she needs, to keep exercise a priority and maintain my friendships without over-extending myself or feeling like I’m consistently failing.
Those simple commitments I make to shift my inner language and ask myself what will help me feel ease are the keys to shifting out of the frenzied and frenetic energy. I land in a space where I respect my state of mind; this directly affects my relationships with myself and others in positive ways.
My question for you is: What phrase repeats in your mind and hijacks your peace? Think on this for a few days, listen to what you say to yourself and notice how it affects your emotional and physical state. Then reframe your dialogue to be spacious and loving in nature. Watch what happens when you do that for a few days. Journaling is a great way to keep track of your language and how the process feels.
Next, find one thing you could drop to bring more ease into your life. This can be just for the time being, not forever. How would you feel if you let that one thing go? How would your life feel more expansive and what would that space allow you to feel?
Being human isn’t easy. We meet life events that are out of our control. These practices are designed to maintain our mind and body health: just like regular car maintenance keeps it running well for years, the same applies to our lives.
With love
Noelle