Over the years, I’ve witnessed friends and family members get more settled in their beliefs and become less willing to see new perspectives and different points of view. I’ve watched as they choose to feed or hold on to anger rather than to forgive and let go. I’ve seen stories stay with people for not only years but decades, and I have seen how certain beliefs have hardened them and made it more difficult for them to break through to the softer side of reason.
The more time we spend in these aggressive, defensive, self-protective and sometimes delusional energies, the harder it is for us to let go of our pain.
We’re living a time of great awakening. Aside from all the chaos that the pandemic has created in our worlds, have you allowed it to harden or soften you? Have you become more cynical, less forgiving or more loving and choosing to show up and do your work – so that you can come out of this in a way your future self would be proud of?
I’ve seen this pain in the faces of the hardened: faces, jaws and eyes mirroring the rigidity of an internal world of thoughts and beliefs. An inability to let go and move forward creates a physical demeanor that is visible in the body and restricts the amount of joy we are able to feel in our lives. You’ve seen it in others: the inability to release deep pain creates a hardened exterior, like a house with thick walls, and we can’t just take an emotional jackhammer of love and break it down. It is up to the holder of the pain to choose to release.
Are you hardening? Are these times making you feel less capable to access your joy?
Allowing our pain to dictate a deep need to control and hold onto worn out beliefs only causes pain for ourselves, not for those that have triggered it in us.
The hardening comes from relationships with other people and the way we choose to carry those relationships in our own emotional bodies. When our trust is broken, when we believe we should have ‘known better’, when we internalize the hurt that comes from not being able to protect ourselves from the pain of human experience, we create a kind of scar tissue if we’re not able to move through the consequent pain with mindfulness and healthy tools.
Please stop making yourself suffer for the generous teachings that hurt, pain and suffering bring to your life. When you’re hurt, learn to lean into the pain and be curious about its meaning. This is not to suggest that you should live in some unrealistic state of blind positivity, accepting that pain happens to everyone and that you should see the good in all of it. No! Feel the frustration, the anger and the hurt that come with your lessons. Own those emotions and encourage them to flow in the river of your experience. Then, when it’s time, choose to navigate off the river and choose not to move from that hurt for the rest of your days.
What if you saw this pandemic or those who have hurt you as teachers creating an opportunity to soften you, to be kinder and more loving to yourself? Often, we harden our physical body when we experience pain. What if you used the pain to bring awareness to softening your eyes and face? What if we could transform our experiences into educations for our highest learning? What if we could shift from self-harming intolerance to majestic and radiant self-exploration? What would your life be like if you could soften and stop being so certain about all of the outcomes and all that you know? You might feel better, you might be kinder to yourself. You might set an example for everyone looking into your eyes at the softness that gives them permission to soften their own gaze.
I see the softness in your eyes. Can you?
With love
Noelle