Where do you believe your happiness level is in your life? Are you one of those super happy people most of the time? Or do you feel like you need to work on happiness? Do you know happiness is actually a genetic gift, meaning it is something you are born with. Or at least the level of happiness you may feel at any given time.
Culturally there seems to be a trend in this desire for happiness. Or the quest for happiness. That happiness appears to be a birth right. Something we feel entitled to. But are we? Are we supposed to be granted a level of happiness that disconnects us from our heartaches and challenges? I don’t think so. I believe that there is an overarching goal of happiness that seems to be taking over our social networks. Just open up your FB, instragram or any other social media platform and you will see endless displays that appear to be happiness. But are they really as happy as they appear? Are you really as happy as you show the world…or even your friends and family?
In order to search for happiness, we must also be allowed to feel that it is OK to not feel happy every single day. That feeling crappy is also OK. Have you ever tried to hide your deep sadness from a dear friend for fear of being judged? That somehow you may be less desirable to be around if you are not exuding a certain level of positivity? As if you should look for the good in everything that comes your way. Have you ever found yourself saying ‘well the good in this is..’ or ‘at least I learned…’ how about ‘look at the brightside…’. Look at the language we use just so we don’t have to admit our true feelings?
In order to have a real conversation with yourself about happiness. You need to first establish what brings you joy? What do you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy being of service to others? Going for a run? Reading a good book? Eating lovingly prepared food? Hanging out with your lover or snuggling with your kids? Cleaning your house? Going to a party? Making space for people that you enjoy being around? Sleeping in? Cleaning out your fridge once a week? Finally tackling your to do list? If we spend our time avoiding the things that make us happy, because we feel that there are more important things we need to be attending to….well our happiness lags, until eventually you may look at your life and wonder how you’ve wandered so far away from feeling good.
I used to believe that I didn’t have space for pleasure, that it was indulgent behavior that I shouldn’t indulge in. I realized that thinking is a little backwards, that if I don’t allow for enjoyment how can I possibly show up in a joyful way for others that matter in my life.
Look around at those who seem happy and ask them what they fill their days with. You will likely discover that they fill themselves up with what they enjoy, not what others think they should be doing. It’s going to be a challenge to actualize a feeling of happiness within, when you are not even sure what makes you happy, or if you’re living for other people’s wants of you.
There is a baseline of happiness we need to create for ourselves in order to be able to allow that feeling to be more reachable in our day to day life. For myself having an organized home and office gives me great satisfaction. For most of us what happens on the outside is happening on the inside, so a calm outer world brings me great inner peace. I make sure I prioritize things that bring me pleasure in my life. I feel great joy when I make time to make my bed before I leave the house in the morning. Having healthy nutritious food in my fridge makes me feel abundant. Making time to get exercise makes me happy and promotes my creativity. Spending quality time with my daughter is one of the best parts of my day. Breathing in my lover when he is beside me at the table. I have become more and more grateful for as many moments in my day as I remember to be. A healthy dose of gratitude is the cherry on the top of your happiness scale.
When I stack all those things together, my baseline is filled up. That way when something happens in my life that is disappointing I am already feeling full, so it doesn’t pull me deep down into despair. You see – if your baseline is running on empty, any event in your life can leave you feeling easily disappointed and depleted.
So what would it take to make yourself happier today? What parts of yourself are you ignoring that are screaming for a little attention? What are the small things that make you feel so great? Take stock of those things and add them as ingredients, creating your happy life. Allow for your baseline to move above the line of feeling depleted. From there, you can add extras like vacations, doing a dream expedition, hanging out with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and being invited to a party. The extras feel more deluxe when your baseline is already filled. You’ll be able to enjoy those moments with even more gratitude.
with gratitude
Noelle