There are tumultuous times in the world right now. For a lot of people. Including me.
It also seems like people have amplified anger and frustration with everything that is happening around them. There are so many ways in which we are witnessing acts of hatred and fear, like the devastation we just experienced in Las Vegas.
There is an automatic quality to the anger and hatred that is taking hold which worries me. I see it being demonstrated in our homes and in our workplaces. I see it on social media and news in ways I have never seen in my lifetime. We have never before had the capacity to share our un-edited thoughts so immediately. So swiftly.
There is also an eagerness to our responses, a participation in reaction rather than taking time to slow down and think about how to respond. When we slow down, we get to choose the outcomes we desire. We have the opportunity to create space and find gentleness in our words and actions. We have time to take many deep breaths. Most importantly, we learn to not say everything that comes to our minds. We take time to consider what we want to say, recognizing that our words and ideas are what we offer of ourselves to the world. Words are more powerful than we give them credit for. Words have a power that moves our lives, and our degree of consciousness about how we use them affects our experiences deeply.
Maya Angelou said, “Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.”
I love the relevance of Maya’s words in our world today. The first time I read this, I became more responsible for my words. I realized I had to tread more lightly. I realized importance and power in my words that I had never previously considered.
Today, I continue to work on having softer responses . This doesn’t mean that I am less affected by what occurs around and to me; it means I choose how I engage with my life. First, I pay attention to how I am triggered by others’ words and actions, observing the raw emotions and impulses for blind action that rise within me. Then I step back and ask myself if that is really me. Do I really need to respond with such aggression and haste?
I am not perfect, and I make mistakes. But when I take them time to think about what I want to see in my immediate world, which is a deeper and more vulnerable love, I slow down. Because love is built. It is a choice. Love is not blind ignorance. Love is moving beyond ignorance. I am learning to make choices to respond from LOVE instead of fear and hate.
When I choose that kinder, discerning place from which to speak, I respond from love for myself, for love for my family and friends. It is a love that softens and is inclusive. A love that is generous even when it feels like I have more control if I could just control the amount of love I dole out. I seek to move from that part of me that is not selective about who receives my love. This kind of attention takes work. To choose to respond towards rather than fight with means I have to see my reactive tendencies and overcome them, all before I say a single word.
It’s a practice, because it is not easy. But the alternative is choosing to live in a world that is reactive, unkind and perpetuates the darkness that some people and circumstances deliver to our world. Practicing being kind is not easy work. If you want easy work, bury your head in the sand and keep trying to ignore the degree to which your participation in your life affects it. If you want to challenge yourself, then think about the world you want to create and begin to understand that you can do this by thoughtfully shaping your response to the world.
You’ll become a leader by choosing to tread more lightly in challenging times.
with love
Noelle