Thoughts are powerful. I believe they create our reality. I believe thoughts have the capacity to enlighten us, to lift us to higher places, to make dreams come true. They can also tear us to pieces, destroy dreams and relationships and get the better of us at the worst possible times.
I used to be a prisoner to my thoughts, believing them to be the absolute truth, believing that my harsh, internal self-judgment was actually some higher power keeping me small, keeping me in line. My thoughts controlled me. Limited me. Imprisoned me within the boundaries of my body. I couldn’t get away from them. They took over like a parasite, relentless, infecting everything in and around me.
My thoughts kept me in bad relationships, kept me from following my heart, kept me from doing what I instinctively knew I shouldn’t be doing. They kept me from feeling whole and connecting with my inner self. They inspired great sadness and deep loneliness.
One day, I started watching my thoughts, observing that they were very rough and wondering if there might be another way. Could I soften their edges? And how would that change my experience? I imagined my thoughts like a train, brakeless and speeding forward, out of control, headed for only god knows where. I imagined taking my hand and gently bringing the train to a stop, then I started the process of backing it up, steering myself with kind, gentle thoughts and watching the sweetness guide me back home to the station. Centred, I could remind myself what I actually wanted to be thinking about and how I wanted to feel as a result, and I set off again, intention controlling the speed and direction of my travel.
It was a slow process, to be honest. But eventually I started to watch the train with more diligence. It would go for days or months or years, then when I would finally notice that it was out of control and guide it back with as much gentleness as I could muster. With that practice, over time, it became easier and easier to manage my train of thoughts.
I am now the conductor of those thoughts. I watch them as they leave the station, and when I notice thoughts that don’t serve me, I pull them back as quickly as I can. Some are harder to catch than others, but overall, this awareness brings so much more wisdom to my experience. Instead of feeling reckless and wild, my thoughts are laced with positivity, with possibility, with inspiration, with love, with a knowing that I am meant for peace.
When I find my thoughts being guided by someone else’s opinions, by some sense of worthlessness I picked up from looking at Facebook or inexplicably sourced in my own self-doubt, I know I am capable of reminding myself that no one but me is responsible for how I think. I fully understand the relationship between my thoughts and my emotions: if I am mindful of what thoughts I am consuming, I position myself to enjoy the good and great feelings they produce without leaving any room to indulging in the ones that bring me into a deep pool of misery.
It’s been an amazing transformation in my life.
What thoughts will guide you today?
with love
Noelle