In all spiritual and religious theologies, there are gods and goddesses of significance. Each one is a representation of archetypical aspects of us. They may look radically different than us, but the intent in invoking any archetype is to awaken those facets within. In the Hindu pantheon, there’s a god named Ganesha; he, like all gods, has a long and sordid history. However, his purpose is to be the destroyer of obstacles – the obstacles that we place in our own way.
It’s true, there are things that are not our fault, but how we interpret and respond or react to these things matters greatly.
We all have habits, most of them unconscious, in how we behave; our views and interpretations of the world are unique to us. The one unconscious habit that most of us battle is that when we experience a hindrance, we often blame others. We’re a world of blame: in politics, in our social lives, in our households, with lovers and friends. We blame everyone else for our problems instead of looking within.
How can we not behave that way, when it’s consistently modeled to us? Look at our political system, the system that’s meant to keep ‘order’ in our culture: it’s ravaged with slinging insults at opponents and digging for ‘dirt’ on others and trying to tear them down. Politicians don’t talk about what another party is doing right or support one another for being courageous enough to be in the public eye (where they’re constantly scrutinized). It’s all about ‘one-uping’ and the misguided ideal that we win by making someone else smaller.
These behaviors are translated into our workplaces, households, friendships, intimate relationships and parenting. So what are we to do, when that is all we know? How do we sift through the unconscious behaviors of our society and steady ourselves in self-awareness? How do we take ownership over our own emotions and behaviors?
If you often find yourself in conflict or frustrated by others, or if you feel like the world is against you, it’s likely time to unpack the reasons behind those experiences and sensations. When we take ownership over how we feel, we can create bridges between ourselves and others.
In the past, I wasn’t skilled at this; I could produce endless examples of why something wasn’t my fault. I developed this skill over years so I was good at it, or at least I believed it. I was good at things not being my fault, it’s embarrassing to write that, but it’s the truth.
It was so easy for me to see all the problems around me, but blame them on situations and other people.
I needed to stop blaming other people. Once I did, things changed. My relationships got better. I found it easier to see the good in the world. I felt more gratitude and an overall sense of lightness. It’s not that I stopped facing challenges and difficult times – yet how I handled these times changed. I slowly rejected my desire to blame, and chose to look at the big picture instead.
Life was no longer a messy ride; I learned to mix grace and forgiveness into my messes. Forgiveness started to weave into my responses. I stopped expecting perfection from myself – perfection in this example was the need to make myself right and others wrong – and started forgiving myself for personal miss-steps. I began to forgive people who hurt me and find my boundaries, which wasn’t intuitive, it’s been a grueling process of trial and error.
This did not happen overnight. I’m not going to lie: when you start to see yourself – and the behaviors that bring struggle and discomfort into your life – it can be unbearable to witness. At times it is unmanageable. You won’t be able to unpack your life in one foul swoop, you’ll need to move slowly. Take time to seek out gentleness and easeful responses to yourself.
Instead of blaming, I started to listen. The amazing thing was, once I listened to myself I could hear others better. I stopped blowing past my boundaries and found I could take responsibility for situations as they unfolded. I no longer found myself angry and devastated by situations because I was able to listen to my intuitive and gut instincts. This ability allowed me to reclaim my power, and I relinquished the power that blaming others had given me.
with love, Noelle