I need to begin by saying this Mindful Monday may seem a bit abstract to some. It came from a place that may very well be a bit abstract in me. But bear with it, you never know what may land.
There is a well, deep inside, that provides a reservoir of love and hope. Healing. There is a trust within waiting for your connection, and it can save you from yourself. Inside all of us, there are places that can’t be seen and yet can always be counted on to draw on when it seems like there is nothing left. We don’t ever need to fear that there is not enough. It sometimes feels like it is, but our world isn’t small. Constricting. It isn’t so black and white. Everything we endure and experience has a bigger purpose, and because we are all ultimately intelligent and feel a desire to know more, we challenge our naive beliefs and our moments of disconnection and dig in, just when we think there is no way we can.
Love effortlessly streams into the most intimate places within us. It feels sweet and familiar. Rich. Like home. Because of this, it can become very easy to get stuck in our small, clinging, attached minds when what we were once filled with is gone — sometimes taken away — and we sometimes cannot help but allow lesser, reactive thoughts to take over. The resulting constriction prevents us from experiencing the beauty that is right in front of us.
Don’t be afraid when you reach that point in a relationship where you start begin to question it, even if it has become foreign to you in the blink of an eye. Even when there has been deep and passionate love and respect in the past and suddenly you can’t recognize anyone involved. The questioning is a transition point: it is the point where you can go deeper within yourself to push past your limiting beliefs. It is the place where your spiritual journey takes hold. The doubt, the questioning, the judgement that come with your disorientation are NOT truth. They come from fear, the fear of being pushed beyond your comfort zone, but allow yourself to be pushed. Get scared! And then watch your beliefs and assumptions and the stories you tell yourself, and learn what they exist to teach you. They are not you, but they will show you who you think you are.
Let go of your NEED for certainty and find peace in the uncertainty. Trust that the love you felt before you began to question was real love. The love you felt before you judged was the real thing. You just got scared. You just got in your own way, and you got in your way because you were pushed to expand outside of the way you think or believe your life should be. That, my friend, is terrifying. When we are scared, we push back. We push away. We judge and limit ourselves from experiencing the depth of love that is possible. We sabotage the most important relationships of our lives because our fear or judgement gets the better of us. Sometimes we let that guide us instead of that sweet light we should follow, the gentle love within.
There is a time in all our lives that we realize that we have pushed away the things we most want close to us. Sometimes it is on our death beds. Sometimes, it is years after the fact, and we are unable to undo our actions. Sometimes it happens faster than a breath, but when we catch ourselves in the act of self-defeat, if we can slow down exactly then to realize that everything is actually perfect how it is, in this moment, we spare ourselves the agony of trying to intellectually understand the heartbreak and confusion that can undermine all that we think is true. No journey is wrong. The universe is not out to punish or humble you but to teach you.
No matter what, you have the power within to find a way to lighten up, to live from the softer and more open-minded place in yourself that has the creative and supportive capacity to make anything true! Instead of being sure you know what’s wrong, what’s happened, what’s right, what’s wrong, be curious and trust in the value of your experience, however painful. There is always, always more in store for you.
With love
Noelle