I believe that the deepest love we are meant to feel is for ourselves. I believe if we can cultivate a real, deep love for ourselves, we can develop a strength for change. We develop the capacity to forgive the unforgivable. We can change minds with love; we can create peace with love. We can find an empathy that shatters judgement. We can unite with those from whom we feel most separate. Love can hold us with such courage that we find ourselves braving things we never imaged before. We can heal ourselves with love.
A love that comes from within has gentleness. A love from within forgives on the deepest level, right down to the soul. It is also the most concentrated and profound practice because it requires a commitment to flow with both our deep sorrows and wild happiness.
When we lack self love, we live in fear, judgement, anger, and pain. We lack empathy, we need to be right or in control, and we live with these qualities and embrace us as virtues. We live in a world where we need to be better than others, and we become more cynical and less compassionate as a result of this perceived competition. That is what we show to the world. However, these are not virtues, they dis-empower us and disconnect from those most dear to us. Living without inner love isolates us from connecting with others in a meaningful way. We keep relationships on a superficial level because we are unable to connect with ourselves in the deepest ways.
A deep inner love creates inner and outer peace, genuine patience for someone else’s struggles, and we are filled with compassion. We are kind and loving to others. AND we take that into the world. We become advocates for great change that is fueled by being love. We become soldiers of peace by being peace. We become an army of kindness by exuding kindness. We become what we practice.
If you are someone who is struggling with what is happening in the world, if you are someone who wants to see more peace in the world, who wants to find a way to make change (big or small) or is tired of seeing all the hate and divisiveness that is taking over social commentary, then it’s time to build love. If you are someone who lives in an inner environment of distress, discontent, distraction, disconnection from others, then it’s time to build love within.
We heal with love. We heal when we are able to forgive, and forgiveness comes from the gentleness that love brings.
I have discovered is the power of self love. I am a humble student of self love, in the infantile stage, in fact. Self love involves many parts. It is not as simple as saying, “I love myself” and moving on, especially if you don’t FEEL it.
Building love is multi-faceted. But possible. There are daily practices that can help build the greatest love you will ever know. Here are a few that have helped – and continue to help – me (I recommend trying 1-3 at a time, as not to overwhelm):
- Meditation – finding time to be quiet and sit still. Your mind may not be quiet, but the space around you is quiet. You learn that the chatter of your mind is part of navigating the practice of meditation. You learn to be quiet in the moments between your thoughts. Use guided meditations on building love.
- Self care – put effort into how you show up each day, even if you’re in the privacy of your own home for the day.
- Fresh air – even if you only have 5 minutes. Get outside and smell the air. Take 5-10 deep breaths. Every day.
- LOOK at yourself in the mirror – say “I love you.” When you get caught up in self defeating ideas of the way you think you should look, repeat “I LOVE YOU.”
- Surround yourself with people who you enjoy being around.
- Exercise. Where I live, most people are pretty darn active, getting out and playing hard. If that is you, make time for mindful physical practices that are gentler and less aggressive, like yoga, but try for a yin-style practice that is slower and complements your lifestyle by slowing you down . If you don’t have a lot of time to be active, set yourself up at group classes as well, whether it’s a spin class or yoga, and allow for a mix of yin and yang practices.
- Gratitude – every day, look at the things you are most grateful for.
- Laugh, out loud, every day. OR as often as you can.
- Develop a healthier relationship with your technology and social media. Stop watching it all the time.
- Prayer – Pray for guidance in any way that you are seeking it.
My newest practice, and one that has informed a newness in my practice of self-love, is determining what I want my core desired feelings to be on any given day. To do so, decide what your core desired feelings are that you want for the day/week month, and repeat them every day. Write this down and put in on your mirror. Look at it every day. Imagine it when you are met with challenges throughout your day.
Most importantly, do more of what you want to do and less of what you don’t want to do.
Bring all your attention to loving yourself because for all the change you want in your life and in the world, the place we ALL need to start is the loving practice of self. It will heal deep wounds, and within that healing, there is an unravelling from old pain that moves us into new light, changing our worlds, and bleeds out to the bigger world.I love you
Noelle
Learn To LOVE Yourself To Heal Yourself
