It’s OK Not To Be OK

I am pretty sure we have all felt dark thoughts at one point or another. Like you’ve wandered into a tunnel and can’t see the light. It feels dark and lonely, almost like you’re being swallowed up by the thoughts in your mind.

I often say that sometimes my head is like a bad neighbourhood that you don’t want to wander into at night. There is a potential for a knife fight or being kidnapped and shoved into a dark space, and you may never be rescued.

When my mind wanders into territories that are unwelcome, I know it’s time to do my work. To dig into my toolkit and pull out my lifeline to bring me back to a more comfortable zone. If you feel like you don’t have a toolkit, here are some things that you can use to build it up:

• Find a go-to friend(s) that you can call on when things feel desperate. Someone that you can confide in. A great way to set this up is to let the person know that you are feeling dark right now, that you just need someone to talk to and who will listen and be supportive.
• I have friends who, when things have gone deep into the dark neighbourhood of their minds, have called friends to come and be with them, to sleep beside them, to hold them because they know in that moment that they are incapable of holding themselves or trusting themselves.
• Get outside, move, feel the fresh air, walk, run, hike, bike.Do whatever it is that feeds you when you are connecting with nature.
• Watch funny TV shows or films. Keep it light. Avoid the temptation to indulge in entertainment that builds on your dispair.
• Dance. For goodness sake, just dance! Get your favorite upbeat song out, and if you need to fake it, then fake it until you feel something lighten a little on the inside.
• Serve someone else that needs help. This is such an important act. The moment you stop giving all your attention to your own plight, you are able to open up and see the greater world and hopefully see how you can help improve it.
• Go see your doctor. If you are feeling like none of these things are working for you, get yourself to the nearest doctor and ask/cry/beg for help.
• Remember that this too shall pass. Eventually you will begin to feel lighter.  Keep reminding yourself of this.

“People who need help often don’t look like those that do” — Glennon Doyle

Remember that we often look at someone from the outside and see what they want to see. Maybe it’s all the ways we think they have it all figured out. Perhaps it’s assuming that success in life sets you up for a life without struggle. Remember that making assumptions about someone being “strong” or “capable” or imagining that they don’t have anything to be sad about is incredibly narrow-minded. These are limiting thoughts and ideas that create separation instead of connection.

Ultimately it’s important to remember it is OK not to be OK. It’s OK to be dealing with something that feels too big to deal with on your own. It is OK to lean on those that you feel comfortable with.

Remember, you are NOT your thoughts. I know it is hard to remember that when all our lives our thoughts have dictated almost all the ways we interact in the world. But trust me, you are so much greater than your thoughts would lead you to believe. You are capable of great things. Including changing your emotional state. Learn to trust that knowledge, and it will also change your life.

So much love
Noelle

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