There are many things that challenge our ideas of success, and I would imagine that most of us don’t perceive ourselves as successful. We place a grave amount of importance on financial success, to the point that we stretch ourselves to the tip of our economic capacity to own a house.
So my first question is, what do you place value on, with the goal of feeling successful, that taxes your emotional, financial, physical or spiritual well being?
Success, as viewed in our times, also often includes fame, notoriety, followers and titles. There are celebrities who’ve started to address this publicly, including Jim Carey. He’s famously quoted saying, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they’ve ever dreamed of so they can see it’s not the answer.”
Whether you seek fame or you do not seek external recognition at all, it seems like we’ll all end up in the same place: wanting to find contentment or ease in our lives.
If you’re someone who feels content with your life, and feels your human connections, work, volunteerism, recreation and quiet time brings you happiness and peace – that’s truly amazing. This article may not resonate with you. It may, however, strike a chord with someone in your life that isn’t having the same experience.
Purpose is what gives us a sense of mission, vision and, often, joy in our lives. It is the part of us that inspires excitement for our daily life and prompts creativity (in any form). It impresses upon us the pleasure that focused attention and having a calling brings to our lives.
To simplify, we feel purpose when we’re challenged. We feel a sense of excitement and worthiness when we’re doing something that forces us to show up. We get excited for our lives when we know our purpose. The illusion of purpose is that it’s often squandered into ideas surrounding , fame, notoriety, followers and titles. Which it isn’t about; however, some people may live a life full of purpose and experience with any of these side effects, but that’s not what makes them happy.
Happiness comes from following the things that challenge us.
Challenging ourselves has nothing to do with forcing ourselves into situations that push past our boundaries – i.e., staying in an unhealthy work environment. Challenge is derived from getting uncomfortable regularly – learning new things, pushing past comfort zones regularly, having a vision of a better world and finding ways to create that vision without being fixated on outcomes but enjoying the exploration. Trusting in the things you can’t see.
You can have purpose in all stages and phases of life: adolescence, young adulthood (seeking out what you like and don’t like), parenthood (focusing on how to set up your child with the skills that they need to thrive in the world) and adulthood (without kids or when kids are out of the home); ultimately, purpose comes whenever you find ways to be of service to something greater than your ego and self-involved fixations
I want to encourage us to stop seeking external rewards to fill an internal yearning. We blindly follow the social prescriptions to find a job or a partner, buy a house, have children, renovate or focus on the next home project or fitness goal that distracts us from feeling. This is simply keeping busy and distracted as a purpose, which it isn’t. Purpose excites instead of exhausts, and it’s not something you do for outside approval. Although I love having structured time and many things on the go at once, I now see the benefits of letting go and making space.
I understand that ease came when I let go of doing things that made me look like I have all my ducks in a row. I’m still practicing this.
That doesn’t mean you give up volunteering if you love it or a career that brings you joy. It means finding something that challenges you in a joyful way, but joyful doesn’t mean easy. Nothing is easy, and working with a purpose won’t be easy, and it also isn’t linear. It will likely change and evolve with time. You may have many different purposes throughout your life.
I leave you with this one question: What scares you enough that you want to do it? What feels challenging but you don’t feel like you have the skills? Perhaps that’s something worthy of exploring.
with love, Noelle