Recently, one of my readers came into my workplace and said, “I read your Mindless Mondays.” We both broke out into laughter at the irony of the mistake. But this is one of the reasons I chose to put a pause on my weekly column: I needed to re-evaluate my reason for writing them so they don’t become ‘mindless.’
After five-and-a-half years of writing my column I needed some time to regroup, to see if I was still drawn to this work and if I should continue to pour energy into its creation. It’s been an interesting couple of months, as I’ve had time to consider the impact writing has on my life. I’ve concluded that it’s an incredibly important part of my life and that writing is tremendously cathartic. I’m grateful for all of you who chose to read my musings and for those of you that reach out to me and share the impact they have on your life. .
Writing is something that continues to teach me, and I am in a constant state of learning. The benefits for my brain health and ability to communicate ideas clearly has dramatically improved from all these years of producing my Mindful Mondays. Thank you for supporting my learning.
In case you didn’t notice, I’ve transitioned from my original title to “Messy Sloppy Beautiful Human”. This title is inspired by two reasons: First, over the years people have tried to use ‘mindful’ against me. Meaning, when there’s been some kind of conflict, I’ve been told I’m not mindful or mindful enough, as though writing a column on the subject makes me an expert and should I not live up to those words, somehow I’ve failed as a human. Second, I’m inclined to poke fun at myself and changing the title allows me to do so while unpacking this infatuation ‘we’ collectively have with perfection.
Also, just because something is happening in our lives that we don’t like, such as a challenge in a relationship, does not mean the other person is misrepresenting themselves. It means there’s conflict, and what we choose to do with that conflict is informative.
Which leads me to my next thought: if I’d shared with most of the people in my life that I was going to start writing and creating a weekly column, most of them would have told me it was going to be a grand waste of my time. As I’m not getting paid to do this and there are costs associated that I’m not making back, I chose not to tell anyone; I just did it. I wanted to support myself and didn’t feel like using my energy to field other people’s doubts.
Fending off other people’s doubts happens to a lot of us, and we often don’t even notice we’re doubting others. I do this too — without solicitation, I share my thoughts. Yet how does growth come from someone else trying to impress upon us their experience? It doesn’t produce growth; it produces a fear of trying new things.
Personally, when someone is questioning my choices or thought process, I find it way more exhausting to explain my ‘why’ as opposed to just doing it. ‘Doing’ is energizing; explaining to soothe someone else’s apprehensions is exhausting.
I just made some big changes in my business and I found that some friends would dilute my enthusiasm or creative ideas by looking for faults in my plan. Everybody’s opinions are formed on past experiences, so when we give our opinion instead of trying to understand someone’s experience we aren’t listening. Instead, we’re using our own fear or biases to dissuade someone else from having experiences that may be life-changing. Failure is also life-changing and not something we should be afraid of, in the same way that success is life-changing and not always in the best ways.
We’ve all gotten to where we are in life because of the choices we’ve made, and most of us are successful. So why question someone else when it’s likely they’re already doing well and don’t need your doubts.
I try to remember this, especially when I’m feeling less positive. The energy I bring to things is everything, the lens I’m looking through is mine alone. So, if I can shake my insatiable need to be right or knowledgeable then I can actually listen and be a much better support for those around me. Still learning. That’s why I’m writing 😊
If there’s something you’ve been holding off doing because of self-doubt or someone else’s opinions, I can tell you that holding on is more emotionally draining than actually acting. Taking action allows your energy to thrive and you to move toward the things that inspire you. You have this one life, living without doing the things you dream of will make you exhausted, but doing these things will likely bring you joy.
With love
Noelle