His words are so gentle, yet you can feel the pain buried within them.
There’s an important and heart breaking movement that has been happening for centuries; racism has reached a pinnacle of social dialogue, sadness, and rapid fire information and social presence. Finally and yet again.
I have so much emotion and words that I want to share, but it’s not my time to speak about my frustration. I know this. I’ve been trying to find language to address this, I don’t want to say something ignorant or uneducated. But the truth is, I’m ignorant and uneducated because I’m a white woman whose never come anywhere near facing what blacks and all people of colour and race have faced.
How do I contribute to a conversation without my complete ignorance leaking through?
My friend, Horus, sent a small group of us this beautiful heart felt poem he wrote. He felt vulnerable sharing it.
I’ve asked him if I could share it and he has permitted me to. I feel sharing his words are much more powerful than sharing mine.
I do want to address that my unconsciousness to racism has allowed me to hide in my own comfort, to not watch the things that are hard to watch, to not educate myself, because frankly, I just didn’t have to. Because I’d never had to experience that nightmare, so I remained blissfully ignorant.
That being said, I vow to no longer be silent, to no longer hide in my comfort and to continue to help make change in anyway I can. I will not use my despair to disconnect. I will use it to burn the fire within me to use my voice and get uncomfortable.
I feel…
I feel pissed off
I feel scared
I feel betrayed
I feel exhausted
I feel speechless
I feel confused
I feel cold
I feel at risk
I feel misunderstood
I feel feared
I feel the imminent death of militant activism
I feel the apparent ineffectiveness of peaceful activism
I feel the growing voices of those in uniform waking up
I feel the concern that it’s too little too late
I feel the constant vigilance on how I appear to strangers
I feel the empathy and safety of those that know me
I feel the world churning in a way that no one can control
I feel hope exactly because of that fact
I feel I am here in this time and place for a reason
I feel living, guided by my heart, will show me the way
Written by
Horus Alkebu-Lan
Thank you for sharing Horus, and for all of you who choose to read these words today.
With love,
Noelle
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