This is an ongoing topic for me. When I ask if you have ever felt unseen, I don’t mean in the popularization of social media and the amount of ‘likes’ or postings we create to display our lives. I mean in the most intimate ways and with the people closest to us. Being seen means that you feel heard, your opinions are allowed, your feelings are accepted and your vulnerabilities (the things you are most anxious to share about yourself) are held with great care. I believe we all just want to be seen for who we are and not for what someone else wants us to be.
Feeling unseen makes me feel like I am not worthy. It feels like I shouldn’t be me. My body contracts, I feel incredibly defensive and I am often swallowed by my reactivity instead of feeling grounded (which then allows me to feel safe). I feel like I haven’t been seen by most people in my life, and the more invisible I feel, the more worthless I behave. I recognize that when I am misunderstood, I can become so destabilized that I lose the ability look at myself. I become less clear about who I am.
When I feel unnoticed, I fall into a deep hole of shame and I will start to do anything in my power to distract myself from that feeling. I will keep myself incredibly busy or find life dramas to attach to so that I don’t have to pay attention to the enormous discomfort I feel from being me. A few months ago, I let someone into my life that I was really interested in getting to know better. I felt pulled to this individual, but I was quickly hit with some grave assumption from him about who he thought I was. He did not see me in the least, but instead of pulling myself away (as the wiser version of myself knows to do), I fumbled for months, attempting to be seen. In the end I never was, and I was left feeling like I’d lost power over my actions/reactions.
My lesson is that when I am or feel unseen I can easily disconnect from my wisdom and pull myself into lower vibrations. And this is not what I want to do.
What happens to you when you don’t feel acknowledged or noticed? What is the visceral response in your body? Who do you become? Are you able to feel stable and confident in knowing who you are and be kind to yourself while setting clear boundaries? Or do you fumble?
If you stumble, how do you do it? What parts of your personality take over? How does this affect your life?
Even if you don’t feel like you mishandle being misunderstood, how can you allow the people in your life to be seen?
We can make sure other people feel seen by allowing them to have their own experiences, without us needing to manipulate or control their responses to the world. When they fumble, we need to be behind them to offer a hand. We can stand with them in their discomfort, no matter how raw it is. We can ask questions instead of feeding them advice. We can allow for uncomfortable silences. We can investigate with them as they unpack their experience instead of diagnosing their entire situation. I can tell you that when we are able to do this, we learn more grace and ease our own anxious natures. We tend to our hearts when we support others. It’s important for me to state that this practice is really important with children as well.
Imagine if we all found ways to do this in our lives how much more nurtured those around us would feel. How would that impact your life and community?
With love
Noelle