In an ever-shifting world, one constant is the way our understanding of reality continues to evolve, revealing new ideas and necessitating a constant adjustment of our consciousness and communities.
I love exploring. When I was 14, I found my way onto a trip to Algonquin Park in Ontario with my high school’s outdoor club—my first time backpacking and sleeping in a tent. This wasn’t part of the school curriculum but an optional activity through the outdoor club, which I had recently joined. My family never camped; although my father was from Switzerland and we spent time in the mountains skiing, our accommodations were always indoors, with access to running water.
My decision to go on the trip was surprising, especially given that I was living in the Greater Toronto Area with a single mother who had very limited resources. I remember the abrasiveness of the external frame backpack and the discomfort it left on my back. I also recall the inadequate jacket that wasn’t warm enough for cool fall days and the absence of long underwear or sufficient layers to keep me warm during chilly nights.
Yet there I was, naïve and struggling through my first five days in the wilderness. It was magical and torturous—especially to my 14-year-old, dramatic self. By the end of the trip, I was certain I would never do it again. Yet, when the next opportunity arose, I signed up. That program and those teachers would forever change the trajectory of my life and have an indelible impact on who I would become.
Little did I know, that trip was my coming-of-age story. It became an outlet for the wild energy I was experiencing as a teenager. Without the presence of wisdom keepers or mentors to guide me, I found the teacher I needed most: Mother Nature.
Now, as my daughter and I both navigate significant physiological changes as women, I’m gaining a level of insight I never had in my younger years. I’ve come to see this transition—particularly for young girls—as an incredibly important and often misunderstood time. Our disconnection from the natural world and the wisdom of Indigenous cultures has left us with limited understanding of these profound changes.
Speaking from a feminine perspective, I’ll focus on the transition girls experience during puberty. However, much of this may also apply to boys. When I refer to “girls” and “boys,” I mean biological sex and the hormones that shape their development, not their gender identities.
As teenagers move through puberty, their minds evolve, their ability to experience complex emotions deepens, and they begin to see the world through a new lens. They feel a surge of immense power within themselves. With this power comes a shift in how they use their voice, relate to others, and view the world. They start to step into the wildness of adolescence, balancing the fields of childhood with the challenges of growing up.
What do we, as adults, often do? Many parents complain about the intensity of their preteen or teenage daughters. I’ve been one of those parents, yearning for the playful and sweet girl who once loved spending time with me. But what if this transitional phase feels difficult because we don’t recognize what’s truly happening? What if these girls aren’t just seeking independence but are trying to manage a profound source of energy surging through them—without guidance?
Pathologizing their hormonal transition—labeling it as a problem—can be disempowering. By focusing on how “difficult” they are, we fail to see the significance of this time. When we attempt to control them, we deny them the nurturing and support they need to navigate intense emotional outbursts and energetic shifts. Instead, they could be taught how to channel this energy constructively—understanding what is a good use of it and what is not.
During this time, girls become more attuned to the needs and emotions of those around them. This innate tendency to care for others doesn’t come from conscious thought; it’s built into them. Without guidance, they often channel this awareness into gossip or an obsession with social dynamics, lacking healthier outlets for their natural inclination to nurture.
This heightened self-awareness, paired with cultural pressures, often turns inward, fostering insecurity. In the absence of communal guidance, girls are left to figure out these complexities on their own. Historically, they would have been mentored in how to care for communities and contribute to collective well-being. Today, however, our communities are fractured, and our focus on individualism isolates both parents and children.
Women often bear the weight of single-handedly caring for their families without the support of a collective. This exhaustion creates a cycle where girls see caregiving as overwhelming rather than empowering. Our disconnection from nature and the ecological systems that once taught us has left us unmoored. These girls, deeply perceptive, sense this disconnection, which may manifest as anxiety or fear.
When boundaries and support systems are lacking, girls may turn to negative social behaviors. This is not because they are inherently “difficult” but because they are misunderstood and not guided in how to harness their immense power.
To better care for our girls (perhaps boys too) and support them in embracing their new power, we could look at things a litttel different:
- Provide Mentorship and Role Models: Introduce girls to strong, compassionate mentors who can guide them through this transitional period. These role models can offer wisdom, encouragement, and a safe space for self-expression.
- Encourage Connection with Nature: Foster opportunities for girls to spend time outdoors, where they can connect with the natural world. Nature offers a grounding force that helps channel energy and emotions productively. With mentors that can teach them how to listen to the wisdom of the land.
- Teach Emotional Intelligence via wisdom keepers: Girsl need guidance and support from woman who’ve learned from growing older. Not that long ago, generations of the family system lived together and wisdom was taught by elders, simply for co-raising children. Can we find ways to rebuild systems like this? Where the power and teaching of our elders is revered and respected.
- Promote Community and Collective Support: We need to develop communities so that families can rely on each other and not feel like that have to be it all and do it all. Fostering inter-family and inter-cultural learning is incredibly meaningful in coming of age and beyond. It fosters connection, community, understanding, support, collaboration, and shared responsibilities. This helps rebuild a sense of collective care.
- Celebrate Their Strengths: Recognize and celebrate the unique strengths and qualities of girls during this transformative time. Acknowledge their growth, resilience, and contributions, helping them build confidence and a positive self-image.
By thinking about adolence through a different lense, we might be able to help young girls to embrace their evolving identities and channel their energy into connected communities. Leaving behind the individualist model of modernity and valueing the collective power instead.
with love,
Noelle