Ever feel like you are working so hard to make things work? That it seems like no matter what you do, you meet resistance or you have to fight for what you want? Do you find yourself questioning why things have to be so difficult, why it can’t come to you as easily as it seems to come to everyone else? Wonder why you feel so tired and exhausted all the time? Or why it feels like you are meeting conflict after conflict?
I have spent my whole life doing this. Making things work, pushing when I could have softened. Forced when perhaps acceptance would have brought me more ease. I make things happen because I am capable and strong and can deal with anything that comes my way. Many of us are this way.
Recently, I have started to wonder why I’m pushing so much. I am not saying that there isn’t challenge in life, but if you ever feel like it’s always challenging, it is time to look at the bigger picture of how you interact with the world.
I was going against the flow.
Are you making things easier, or pushing into the walls and not stopping until you get some kind of result?
Years ago, from working on a river in the Yukon, dawned on me that the river is an endless metaphor for life. Water flows on the path of least resistance. It moves with grace and a smoothness that is mesmerizing. When the river meets challenges – anything that blocks the path of fluidity – there is whitewater. It’s churning, loud, dangerous and a challenging path if you decide to go down it in a boat or otherwise. But if you find ways to navigate it, using the strength of the water – instead of pushing against it – it can be an encouragingly fun and rewarding. Using the path of least resistance lends to a feeling of success.
However, if you have ever tried to travel up-river, you quickly discover it’s freaking hard. It pushes on you. You can’t use the force of the river to make things easier or help you navigate without literally pushing against all the flow.
That was what I was doing. Pushing against the flow. Constantly pushing, for many personal reasons that my therapist and I spend lots of time hashing out. It’s taken me 20 years to see I wasn’t flowing.
What does it mean to go with the flow? It feels like you are doing things that you WANT to be doing. It feels easier, it feels more full, it actually feels like you are gathering energy instead of constantly flushing your energy equity down the drain. When you go with the flow, you stop pushing away your dreams, your desires and divine needs. You begin to listen to your heart over your head.
Going against the flow often comes from needing to be in control, needing to be in charge or out of obligation because we want to look like we are winning all the time. Not wanting to fail, in anyway. So we force to hold tight to those insecure parts of ourselves. Moving from that place creates resistance. Eventually you don’t even know what makes you feel good, because you are so used to pushing against…well, most things.
As Pema Chodron reminds us ‘I equate ego with trying to figure everything out instead of going with the flow.’
I’ve discovered that if I ask myself these 4 questions, I can now figure out pretty easily if I am pushing against or moving with the flow:
1) Does this feel expansive or like a contraction?
2) What is your heart saying vs. your head?
3) What excuses are you making & why?
4) How can I make this easier?In order to achieve genuine peace, a form of surrender is necessary. You must become discerning to see where in your life you can let go. Do less. Trust the greater forced guiding you to get you where you are meant to be.
I now say to myself, as a mantra, as a reminder, “If it doesn’t feel easy and doesn’t flow, it doesn’t go.”
with ease,
Noelle
Going With The Flow Makes Life Easier
