We teach our kids tell the truth. We ask them to be honest with us and we teach them that when they are not truthful, there are consequences. So why is it that as we grow older it can be hard to speak our truth?
In learning to speak my truth I have had to unpack layers of ‘untruths’ I have told to myself over the last few decades. These include the belief of how I ‘should’ be so that people will accept me, but all of these beliefs were developed through an untraceable history and a maze of influences. Over the course of our lives, we build belief systems that become so deeply imbedded within us that we trust them to be true. We can give over our authority and our ability to make choices based on these beliefs. We lack the ability to postulate their origin and hand over our future to some story we have created in our heads.
We then vocalize stories that keep those ‘truths’ in place. We allow ourselves to be treated by others in a way that keeps those stories a reality. I believed that I was unlovable; I was sure that who I was at my core wasn’t worth being seen or loved by someone else. I would set myself into relationships that were unhealthy and kept me feeling small. Years ago I had full-on meltdowns as I battled my way into smaller and smaller places just to be loved in the way I thought I deserved.
When I began to see my story and to tell my truth about why I felt so unworthy, a miraculous thing started to happen. The story I had been telling myself for so many years began to have less weight. It began to have less control over me and my decision making. It was a profound shift. As I owned my lack of self-respect, my unconscious agenda to keep feeling unworthy began to have less power. My future started to change as I learned to speak my truth.
We can cultivate all kinds of realities in our untruths. Keeping in story line around intimate relationships (because we ALL have them), we can build an unspoken story around not wanting to be hurt. We will fabricate a tale about not wanting to commit to anyone, and claim we want to be ‘free’. In keeping that belief alive, engaging in relationships that keep us disconnected from others and perhaps having multiple partners to maintain a boundary around our heart. Or when in a long term relationship, we will commit ourselves to something we have created because we tell ourselves about the amount of effort it took to bring that relationship to where it is – and possibly the fear of unpacking our entangled lives is enough to stay within a relationship we no longer want.
Speaking our truths means looking at the places within us that feel scary. It means pulling back the curtains on our own propaganda, on our own limiting beliefs and on the dark places within. Because we know that when we shine a light on the dark places we will be forever changed. It is a really hard path to push ourselves to get really uncomfortable because we innately know that our whole world will change once we learn to be honest with ourselves.
When my daughter asks me a hard question about how I feel about something which I know she feels differently about, I tell her my truth. I don’t have to tell her about the entire back story, or the details which are not appropriate for her to hear. But I can be honest with her, and I do that so that I don’t have to create a whole world of untruths just to hold onto one lie. It isn’t easy, but I hope to teach her to be honest with herself. I want her to learn that feeling something different than those you love is entirely OK, and she can still love me and I can still love her even if our truths are radically different.
I could express many examples about the ways we create stories to keep us from speaking our truths. From the careers and relationships we choose to the cars we drive and the social networks we create: is there a place in your life that you have created a story that is not aligned with what you really feel? Are you ready to face the truth of your truth?
No matter what you choose, I want us all to remember that we are infinitely loved. Just because we are scared to tell our truth doesn’t mean we are unworthy, it just means we feel the weight of disconnecting from our truths for so long. The moment we step towards truth we begin to crack our smaller selves, and our own light gets brighter.
I see your light
So much love
Noelle