Why on earth would you want to be grateful for your suffering? Does the mere idea of finding gratitude for your hardships make you want to throw something at your computer screen? It did for me, to be honest, and not all that long ago… I used to get agitated when someone tried to show me the other side of my suffering. It felt disrespectful. How dare they minimize my suffering! And I don’t mean those folks that just can’t hear about anything that isn’t all flowers and rainbows: I mean the ones who genuinely care about you and want to help you by offering a different perspective. They drove me crazy.
Suffering is not as bad as we think it is. Challenges are the greatest teachers in our lives. It’s easy to look at the good times and to want to fill our lives with those, but they aren’t the stuff that makes us dig deep and do our work. The good times don’t make us look for other options or see things differently because what is happening feels so darn good!
I am truly grateful for the big piles of ugly messes I have been through. The ones that have seemed devastating, at the time. The ones that made me question what my purpose is. Why am I here? Why do I have so suffer so much? Can’t I learn my lessons without it? Um, turns out: no.
The gifts (and yes, I actually see them as gifts) of suffering are wisdom, patience, perspective and intelligence. These are all qualities that can only be developed from within, not from a book. I don’t think I have all the answers. If I did, what would the purpose of the rest of my life be? However, the wisdom that has been accumulated over time has for sure – 100% – made me a better person. First for myself, and second for anyone that I come into contact with.
Do you see how you’ve changed over time? Do you see that you changed because you learned something new about yourself? Sometimes we can gain wisdom from others, of course, without having to go through it ourselves, yet when you look at the person you are today, how much of that was formed from your past experiences. My guess would be pretty much all of it.
So why does it feel so bloody awful when we are going through it? Well, because if it felt good it wouldn’t be worth doing anything about it. Or at least, when it is good, why change it?
My own journey with my suffering has transitioned from the idea that something is happening to me to thinking that something is happening for me. When I changed my perspective, I was able to feel more genuine gratitude for it. When I began to shift my perspective, I felt like I was part of it, instead of just along for the ride.
Struggle is a part of life. But that feeling — the one that holds you tight and feels like you’re being swallowed up — that feeling lessens over time. It doesn’t hold you for as long or as hard. There is more space. I can guarantee that it grows over time, that you won’t feel so swallowed for so long if you practice showing up for yourself, if you stop expecting someone else to solve your problems. If you know that you have the skills (and can continue to building them for yourself), then you can move forward with a gentleness that cradles your deepest darkest moments.
When we are able to do that, we are able to teach that. Wisdom is taught through simply going through something. It gets passed onto our children and our closest companions. You become a teacher. You can become a gentle support system for someone else.
Allow your sufferings to empower you, and allow for grace to find you within the struggle. Allow for the deepest teachings to reach you. It feels so much better than fighting back.
with love
Noelle