You may be wondering what “giving away your power” means.
The best way to describe what I mean is to give you examples of when I have done exactly this. When I become overwhelmed by fear, when I feel myself physically contract and get lost in not knowing what to do or when I blame someone else for my own experience, I am giving away my power.
I gave away my power in my past relationship. I stayed in a relationship that didn’t serve me because I did not think I had a choice. Choosing to stay left me feeling resentful, unhappy, under-stimulated, inwardly toxic and unsupported. I was scared about the unknown and because I got lost in that fear. It ate up my sense of worthiness.
I also give my power away when I get hooked on dramas, when I choose to make a big deal about something instead of forgiving (myself) and letting it go. I give away my power when I feel self-important and think I am the only one who can fix a problem, or when my ego is wounded and I feel like the only way to recover is to prove that I am right instead of sitting in the wounded place and working on loving myself.
I lose my power when something challenging is happening in my life and I fantasize about someone else swooping in and fixing it. In fact, in those times, when I have had someone else swoop in and fix something I perceive as insurmountable on my own, it has often backfired, leaving me having to solve a much larger problem. In turn, I feel more overwhelmed and stressed because of it. There is a big difference between someone helping and someone taking over a problem that needs to be solved. It’s more than OK to receive help, but you must remain the one in the role of making the decisions that best serve you.
Someone helping = still being in control but being open to help, being open to not having all the answers.
Someone else problem solving = throwing up your hands & letting someone else make all the decisions, potentially creating circumstances where you can blame or be blamed for the outcome.
We give our power away in relationships all the time. Giving over power to a partner allows us blame them for outcomes, to be disappointed and resentful. If we can recognize that whatever happens in the relationship, we will be OK, maybe hurt but absolutely not broken by our own choices, no matter what, then we position ourselves as agents in the unfolding of whatever we create with the other people in our lives instead of waiting for our lives to happen to us.
Putting someone on a pedestal is another way we give away our power. No matter how perfect or capable or incredible or desirable someone else seems, we are all human and the same at the end of the day, as rich with our own faults as our own gifts. Do not underestimate your own worth. Place someone higher than yourself, and they will certainly fall down, likely more painfully for you than them.
When we give our power away, we suffer. I suffer greatly when I get angry, frustrated and pissed off and respond to the world from that place. These emotions are an unavoidable part of my experience, but when I choose to respond from those emotions is when I lose balance. Giving our power away feels off-balance. It’s indulging in blaming. It is pointing to others for your own experience.
How do you give away your power? Is it worth it?
If we can learn to be at peace with our own emotions, if we can learn to be at peace with our fragile hearts, if we can learn to be at peace with not knowing the outcome or the reasons why, we will stop giving away our power and instead remain open-hearted and free from suffering.
with love
Noelle
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Are You Giving Away Your Power?
