The theme of 2020 has been a deep and dark unearthing of our own resistance to change. We’ve experienced the ego’s desire to remain in control and fight against what’s happening.
Our current world is based on disconnection and being emotionally unavailable. We don’t have to pick up the phone to ask someone out. We can swipe on an app and disregard someone for saying one thing we don’t like. We can gossip about and ignore people who upset us. We can send a text when we want to socialize and stay on our phones when we’re out with friends. We think we’re connected with our friends’ and families’ lives because we see their posts on social media — we imagine that’s their whole story and we neglect to connect over the phone or in person.
We’re losing the art of conversation and engaging like robots by posting likes and comments that are hollow and lack connection. We send texts to people that say ‘hope you’re doing OK’ instead of saying ‘how are you doing?’
Culturally we’re cowards when it comes to honesty and difficult conversations. We create protective barriers around our hearts and hide our emotions and feelings as self-protection — which creates further disconnection. The current social isolation, disconnection and lack of community increases our desire to pull in and hibernate. We want to seek refuge from our own feelings and emotions. The pattern of isolation only becomes amplified as our depth of loneliness increases and the disengagement from our communities escalates.
Yes, some of us gather energy by being alone, but not all the time. So how do we turn this global slumber into something positive? How do we mute our own desire to blame, shame, judge, accuse and create divisive behaviors?
There’s the possibility to be optimistic. There’s always lightness after hard times. It’s important to look at the darkness and at the things that aren’t working. This allows us to shift into lighter places within. We learn how to be grateful, not because things are going well, but because we learn that the hard times make us stronger, give us courage and teach us what’s important.
I know that we aren’t helping by ripping each other apart. If we don’t learn what it feels like to open our minds and consider other perspectives or viewpoints, we’re going to come out of this radical darkness without having learned our lessons and back in the same mess. We’ll need to remember what feels good and spend more time in those feelings instead of the negative ones.
Lessons are regularly bestowed on us, it’s part of being human. Yet, until we learn what we need to learn we will continue to battle similar stories with different people and scenarios.
If we actually want to change the world, if we don’t want to live in a world that is based on disconnection, then we have to find a way to create connection. We can choose to lift people up instead of tearing them down. We can own our mistakes instead of blaming others. I’m not suggesting we have to be perfect; aiming for perfectionism only leads to shame. What I’m saying is we have to do better, stop keeping to our own bubbles (emotionally speaking) and start engaging with friends and our communities in a way that’s supportive and encouraging.
When we’ve assimilated challenging times, we’re able to find gratitude for what’s happened. When it’s hard, it is hard, but eventually things get lighter and the darkness starts to recede. It’s not something that’s accessible during the grueling experience, but it’s a sign that you’ve taken the lesson and are choosing to do something positive with it. To grow.
You will never experience anything that will take you away from being challenged. Whether it’s relationships, money, career, family, fame, followers or travel, you will always be challenged. What matters is how you respond and learn from those challenges. It’s what we choose to do with our struggles which will be our ultimate teacher. Our choices will either bring us to a darker or a lighter emotion state of being.
with love,
Noelle