I am watching us. You, me, the people around us. In most of us, I have witnessed that when things get stormy in our outside worlds, we tend to play that out in our inside worlds. And vice versa.
I have been completely swallowed by the dramas in my life. I have believed that my dramas have had more validity than someone else’s. I have been so pulled into my own stories that I couldn’t see beyond them. I have been so caught up in my little world that I couldn’t believe that there was anything better out there to strive for. In my incredible, self-absorbed distraction, I have forgotten to check on my friends and family, to take care of my own needs and those of others, to notice what was actually happening around me.
I have been so bleak that I forgot what gratitude felt like.
Maybe you have fallen into these inner storms, too. Blinding, disorienting and horrible, we can learn from them. We don’t have to get swept away by swirling drama or the same tidal wave of a story that strikes year after year.
Like you, I have suffered. Lost both my parents, endured childhood abuse, was raised by an alcoholic, spent too much time in shitty relationships, was stricken by post partum anxiety. Like you, I trusted and loved people I shouldn’t have. I could list all of my heartbreaks and mistakes, but my point is: I’ve been there. We will ALL be there. We will ALL suffer. We will lose people we love. We will suffer physical pain. We will have dark times. The question is, are you able to use those times as teachers and move forward? Or are you insistent on making those stories live long lives? Continuously making them who you are instead of allowing them to be teachers on your path, allowing your hard-earned wisdom to make you a stronger and wiser version of yourself?
When I discovered my long-time partner had been having an affair for years, I fell into deep anxiety, unable to sleep or think clearly. I managed by drinking wine and feverishly moving my body. After six days of that, I woke up and decided this was not my pain. It was inflicted by someone else’s inner demons, and they were not going to become my burden. That was it. I allowed myself to mourn and process. Then I put down my suffering and moved through it. This is part of my story, but it is not my story.
We can use our suffering and challenges to remind us that we are stronger because of them. We don’t have to use the pain like a crutch. People use their stories as excuses to remain in the same dismal state, unconsciously believing that living in a state of fear is necessary for their survival. Unless you are literally being chased by a wild animal all day every day, it will never serve you to be perpetually agitated and on high alert.
Is being unhappy and in pain and constant struggle your story? If so, are you ready to look at it? Are going to let that go and step through it to a lighter place in your body and world? Use your pain for good instead of holding onto it like a safety blanket?
Some of you hide it well, simmering under the surface, only to be seen by you or those closest to you. Others are so swallowed up by their suffering that it IS who they are.
Being strong is sexy. Being able to move through things is an attractive quality. Doesn’t mean you have to move through the grit in a day, week or month. But it does mean that if your story has become so much a part of you that it seems like all you can talk about, and you can’t seem to put it down after you’ve had time to process it (however much time that is for you), you need to listen to what you’re telling yourself. Pay attention to what constantly shows up: if the same kind of story continues to recreate in your life, you’ve built a pattern you need to break.
What we put our thoughts on creates our current reality. Be mindful of that truth. Be super mindful of yourself, your thoughts and your actions: through these, you create your life.
with love
Noelle