After eight months of battling this, I’m breaking my silence to ease some of the built-up pain from rumours that have been created about me. For most of you, you have no idea what I’m speaking about. In reading this, maybe you’ll think twice before using your platform to diminish someone.
Eight months ago I went into the deep end of traumatic response. This happened because 2 people that were involved in my business decided for themselves to leave and used social media to discredit me. This is not the first time running a small business in a small town that I’ve experienced this.
Here’s what I want to say: It’s not OK to use social media to diminish someone else in a ploy to heighten yourself and your story. I put myself out on a public platform to keep my business going. I’ve never used my personal or business platform to discredit or air my frustrations with people in my workplace.
I live in a small community, and my reputation matters. I work on being genuinely kind and consistently try to support and lift up others in my business and beyond. I’m also human, I make mistakes and I can be sloppy. When I am, I own my failings and do my absolute best to mend my missteps. I’m choosing to use this platform to have a voice against things that have been wrongly said about me. I am being tried and sentenced without a voice because I have wanted to remain silent. By remaining silent you become the story that someone else wants to create about you. That’s not OK, especially when the story is slandering your name and business.
When we use social media or social gossip as a place to air our conflicts it places the other person in a defensive place. If we respond then we’re being defensive, and if we’re silent we’re allowing the rumours to gain truth. It feels like a losing scenario. As a woman I feel the consistent message for women is that we should take it, bury it deep, smile and shut up. I don’t agree with that. A man gets celebrated for his voice, women get shamed. Which is one of the reasons I’ve battled back and forth with writing this. How do we have humility and integrity and not stand up for ourselves?
What I want to say is how difficult the last number of months have been in my life. When the pandemic started, we all were in shock; as a single mom and business owner I was in panic. I didn’t know how I was going to pay the bills for my home and my business or how I could keep food on the table. I was reeling in the fact that I may have just lost a business that took a decade to build and would end up with less than nothing. Having people choose such a tumultuous time to leave my business was traumatic for me. My character and business being attacked during an already devastating time left me feeling ravaged.
I went into such deep anxiety that I was terrified to leave the house. I couldn’t sleep and I woke up everyday doing everything I could to take deep breaths and regain ease. I’d lost trust in people and had a constant sense of shame. I’m now dealing with stress–caused health issues. I often felt overwhelmed and exhausted. My wellbeing has been impacted. It’s exhausting to be tried and found guilty without a voice, while trying to maintain integrity.
I’ve spent the last eight months working nonstop to rebuild from the pandemic, but also from the actions of people who wanted to smear my reputation. I dare those who feel compelled to spread unkind rumours about anyone who you work for to invest your own money into the risky practice of starting your own business. To put yourself out there in the public eye knowing people are going to disagree with you, who will put you down instead of speaking to you directly. To deal with failing, to have your efforts judged, to not be supported by others, to find your own courage and strength.
If you want to know who I am or my business practices please come to me and don’t believe someone else that’s trying to make me wrong. Slander is illegal for a reason.
I live by the rule that who you are is shown by how you lift other people up, not by how you tear them down.
It’s interesting that we can want to make someone else wrong in order to create connection. Spinning someone else into our web of drama is cruel.
This is a reminder that what you read and what others say about people is not necessarily true. The only truth is your own experience with someone; the essence of truth does not lie between a rumour and your own experience. Truth lies only with your own experience.
I’ve had hundreds of beautiful connections with people, yet a tiny handful can be unkind and have a huge impact. I’m curious how the minority can have a greater impact on our points of view on someone. How easy it is to spread untruth and how even those who may have good experiences with anyone may be tempted to believe negativity over positive opinions.
I don’t care about being right, I care about what untruths are being spread about me.
Take care of yourself and remember your voice can be used as a weapon or for creating peace.