Looking at myself in the mirror, wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I’m disgusted with my reflection. I’m thinking about how horrible I must be to have had people I loved and trusted treat me so poorly. I pick apart my character piece by piece, dismantling my freedom to be myself by identifying all my flawed characteristics. Who would want to hang out with someone like me? I’m not worthy – I tack on examples of all the other relationships in my life that have failed, as justification for my worthlessness. Why stop there? Now that I have the ball rolling, let’s dig into my body and scowl at the imperfections and make them wrong too, adding to my mountain of unworthiness.
In a matter of minutes I’ve saturated my thoughts with everything that takes away my joy, and by doing so I’ve set myself up for a miserable day.
After a lifetime of behavior like this, it had become unconscious and normalized that way of living. My ability to sabotage myself and any sense of happiness from my life became habit. I was skilled at it.
Now when I see the devil inside me that’s craving a fight I can fix it by asking myself, “What’s going on?”, “Why are you doing this?”
Happiness was not something I witnessed very often as a child; it wasn’t an experience that was modelled for me. After years of feeling unworthy and shitty I decided to shift that experience. I had to learn what happiness was and how to bring it into my life.
These five practices were paramount in gifting me the wisdom and skill to disarm the saboteur within. I had to learn that feeling good was something that I could not only achieve, but was able to manifest when I travelled down the dark road.
- Power of thoughts: I learned to watch my thoughts. I learned that I had choice whether I let my unsolicited thoughts be my truth. I recognized that thoughts are stories we tell ourselves, and I could choose what kind of stories I wanted to be my reality. Imagine your thoughts are like sticky tape, wanting to cling and hold onto you; then imagine that nothing can stick to you. Your thoughts fall off, you watch them leave and you can let go of any attachment to them. It’s so simple, yet amazingly profound. When you become aware of the power of your thoughts, you’re no longer powered by them. You become wise to how your thoughts dictate your mood. You can then learn to step aside, choose wisely and regain your sense of well-being.
- Boundaries: I became friends with the word ‘boundaries’, and I began to learn about myself as I set new boundaries around work, family and friends. The clarity around my once weak border has slowly eradicated the drama that would infiltrate my life. That drama was suffocating and intoxicating. It gave me the illusion that I was in control of my life or others’. The truth is that its disrupted my sense of ease, but once I added boundaries, I was able to curate gentleness and clarity, which opened me up to enJOYment and pleasure.
- Physical and mental health: Sleep, healthy eating, meditation, and recreation time are my priorities. When I am getting eight to nine hours of sleep a night, when I am eating well (enough healthy food) and when I am moving my body daily, I’m clear-headed and capable of holding balance in my life. I spent many sleepless years with my daughter, so I understand lack of sleep and the torment it brings to any sense of well-being. With lack of sleep came poor eating habits, and low energy levels followed. Now I’m honest and aware that I can’t access my playful side without these elements being in place.
- Curiosity: This is the main ingredient in happiness, at least in my world. Curiosity is the opposite of certainty. It allows us to hear different perspectives, and it reminds us that being open-minded is the root of growth and learning. Being inquisitive is childlike, it’s freeing, and it allows for exploration and investigation into new ideas and new people. This is especially important in a time when we have great uncertainty and no clear vision for our global future- when so many people are feeling anxious and overwhelmed with indecision. This time is of great importance to settle our desire for control and certainty and lean into being curious, allowing and playful. This attitude is what will bring peace. Fighting against it will create tension and distraction.
- Friends: Here’s the thing; when your saboteur takes over, you need your friends. You need someone to call who will listen to the nasty stories you tell yourself. You need someone who can say “That’s shitty”, “That sucks, I’m sorry” or, “What you’re saying is B.S.”. Once we’ve been heard, we’re able to process and let go. Our desire for support varies, so being able to have friendships that are honest, and friends that allow you to be heard and seen without needing to change you, is fundamental.
Take this list or leave it, but figure out what your own list entails. What do you need to feel balanced and healthy? What practices support you and keep you in your feel good zone? Make self-care your priority and you will be able to manage this time of great uncertainty with a bit of grace.
With love,
Noelle