Projection is something we do naturally. We project our fears, judgment, love, infatuation, anger and even the sense that we lack – control onto others. It feels justified and righteous. It’s so easy to take the challenge we’re experiencing and toss it, unconsciously, onto others. It’s gratifying. It makes us feel empowered. It makes us feel like we get to do something with our own discomfort.
Challenging times exposes our true natures. I’ve learned how my lack of skill in dealing with challenges was filled with blaming others, showing anger, and feeling victimized. It was a behavior I learned as a child, but I also realized it was making bad situations worse; I always felt dreadful about myself after it had passed.
It’s not about making others wrong. This time in history is asking all of us, how are we going to transform this challenging time? How are you going to see the light instead of the darkness? I’m not suggesting a ‘Pollyanna’ existence, one where we don’t allow for hard times and avoid any conflict or discomfort. I’m also not suggesting that you can’t feel down or depressed.
It’s important to allow your feelings, it’s what you do with those feelings and how you treat others that matters. Stuffing emotions down just bottles up your life force; sometimes we need to ready ourselves for dark times and find ways to set ourselves up for success when we feel awful. Watching your thoughts, getting outside, and being conscious of the words you speak and the people you socialize with helps. So does being gentle and patient. Spend more time taking care of yourself, or ask for help.
It’s about the way you choose to turn this particularly difficult time in our history into something positive. It’s about finding a truth that isn’t about blame but about solutions and social aide. Find ways to be of service to pull yourself out of your own malaise and play bigger than you think you’re worth.
We must pull ourselves out of our own narcissistic tendencies. There is a cultural tendency to think only of ourselves and how something serves or doesn’t serve us. We get used to always getting what we want, whether it’s material, recreationally, in our careers or otherwise. We constantly think we deserve more or better. We’re obsessed with fame, money, and our worth. We want constant positive feedback, yet we’re not giving it to anyone else.
This time isn’t about blaming others. This time isn’t about making someone wrong. It’s about finding ways to see the good in someone else.
I constantly see people worried and stressed about what other people are doing. Making pointed statements, passive aggressive or aggressive opinions about what others should be doing, whether it’s locals or tourists. If we make it our role to police others, we break down our communities, and we disrupt trust in each other. We’re just self-protecting or finding ways to be better than another.
It’s time to understand that the only person we have control over is ourselves. Anyone that had overly controlling parents probably constantly lied to or deceived their parents. The control created distrust. The desire to have power over another makes for disconnection. Anyone that has felt judged by parents, family, friends or peers knows how easy it is to withhold our true selves in order to avoid judgement. Judgment feels like poison: you feel it in your veins, it pierces through your body and slowly makes you feel weak and unable to trust those around you. Think about that when you’re tempted to go public with your judgement.
Maybe the question that we all need to ask ourselves is: what’s your agenda? What is your goal? What do you hope to accomplish? Do you want to find a way to blame someone else and police others, or do you want to find out why you feel that way? Do you want to transform your pain into something productive or are you satisfied burying your head in the sand and hoping someone will take the blame and all your problems away? It’s a harsh question but what’s more severe is our behavior that constantly asks to be blind to our own flaws and attack others. It’s not healthy and it’s unkind.
When we recognize our own flaws, we develop the ability to forgive others theirs. Because we no longer are seeking perfection in the internal or external world..
How about we ask, “What can I learn?” instead of seeking out who is at fault.
The future of our communities and societies depends on our ability to pull together and not fray apart.
With love
Noelle